Advertisement
10:58
Dumb Americans | George Carlin | Life Is Worth Losing (2005)
Official George Carlin
·
May 9, 2026
Open on YouTube
Transcript
0:00
but say what you want about America land
0:02
of the free home of the brave we got
0:04
some dumbass floating
0:06
around this country dumb ass
0:08
you
0:11
know now obviously that doesn't include
0:14
this audience I understand that you seem
0:16
intelligent and perceptive but the rest
Advertisement
0:18
of them holy jumping
0:21
dumber than a second coat of
0:25
paint and this ain't just ranting and
0:28
Raven this ain't just blowing off steam
0:29
I got little evidence to support my
0:31
claim it just seems to me seems to me
0:35
that only a really low IQ population
0:38
could have taken this beautiful
0:40
continent This Magnificent American
0:42
landscape that we
Advertisement
0:44
inherited well actually we stole it from
0:46
the Mexicans and the Indians but hey it
0:49
was nice when we stole it it looked
0:52
pretty good it was
0:54
pristine Paradise have you seen it
0:57
lately have you taken a good look at it
1:00
lately is embarrassing only a
1:03
nation of unenlightened half wits could
1:06
have taken this beautiful place and
1:08
turned it into what it is today a
1:10
shopping mall a big shopping
1:14
mall you know
1:17
that that's all you got that's all
1:19
you've got here folks mile after mile of
1:22
mall after Mall many many malls major
1:25
malls and mini malls they put the mini
1:27
malls in between the major malls and in
1:28
between the mini malls they put put the
1:30
mini Marts and in between the mini Mars
1:31
you got the car lots gas stations
1:33
muffler shops laundr mats cheap hotels
1:36
fast food joints strip clubs and dirty
1:38
bookstores America the beautiful one big
1:40
transcontinental commercial Cesspool and
1:43
how did the people feel about all this
1:44
how do the people feel about living in a
1:46
coast to coast shopping mall well they
1:48
think it's just
1:51
Dandy they think it is cool as can be
1:54
cuz Americans love the mall they love
1:57
them allall that's where they get to
1:58
satisfy their two most prominent
2:00
addictions at the same time shopping and
2:04
eating millions of semiconscious
2:06
Americans dayf today shuffling through
2:09
the malls shopping and eating especially
2:12
eating Americans love to eat they are
2:14
they are fatally attracted to the slow
2:16
death of fast food hot dogs corn dogs
2:19
triple bacon cheeseburgers deep fried
2:21
butter dipped in pork fat and cheese
2:22
whiz mayonnaise soak barbecue mozzarella
2:24
Patty melts Americans will eat anything
2:26
anything anything if you were selling
2:29
sauted raccoons on the
2:32
stick Americans would buy them and eat
2:35
them especially if you dipped them in
2:37
butter and put a little salsa on
2:39
them this country is Big Time Pig time
2:43
forget the bald eagle you know what the
2:45
national emblem of this country ought to
2:46
be a big bowl of macaroni and cheese a
2:50
big bowl cuz everything in this country
2:51
is king size king size extra large in
2:54
super jumbo especially the
2:57
people have you seen some some of the
3:00
people in this country have you taken a
3:02
good look at some of these big fat
3:04
walking around big fat
3:09
oh my God huge piles of
3:12
redundant
3:14
protoplasm lumbering through the malls
3:16
like a fleet of Interstate buses the
3:19
people in this country are immense
3:21
massive bellies monstrous thighs and big
3:23
fat
3:25
asses and if you stand there for a
3:27
minute and you look at one of them you
3:29
look at one of them you you you begin to
3:31
wonder how does this woman take a
3:36
how does she
3:38
and even more frightening how does
3:40
she wipe her
3:42
ass can she even locate her
3:45
she must require
3:48
assistance are paramedics trained in
3:51
this
3:52
field and standing right next to her of
3:54
course with a plate full of nachos and a
3:56
mouthful of Pie as her clueless
3:58
husband Joe sixpack
4:00
with his monstrous swollen beer belly
4:02
hanging dangerously out over his Bel
4:03
beer belt buckle this guy ain't seen his
4:05
dick since the Nixon
4:08
Administration and if you stand there
4:10
and you look at the two of them you
4:11
begin to wonder to
4:13
yourself do these people
4:16
is this man actually capable of
4:19
this woman it doesn't seem
4:22
structurally
4:23
possible that these two people could
4:25
achieve
4:27
penetration maybe they're in that cir do
4:29
so play or
4:31
something telling you the people in this
4:34
country are every half every every one
4:37
of them is 50 lbs overweight they are
4:39
gargantuan and in the summertime God
4:41
help
4:42
us in the summertime they all want to
4:45
wear short pants Jesus Lord protector of
4:49
all that is good and holy deliver me
4:51
from fat people in short pants they all
4:54
got short pants big bellies fat thighs
4:56
and dumb kids short pants big bellies
4:58
fat thighs and dumb kids every one of
5:00
them's got two dumbass kids with them
5:02
and the whole family is wearing t-shirts
5:03
and every one of them's got the same
5:05
t-shirt I'm with
5:07
stupid apparently in this country the
5:09
stupids are an extended family and
5:12
besides wearing them t-shirts everyone
5:13
in the family's got on a backpack they
5:15
got a backpack strapped to their back so
5:17
they can carry around lots of stupid
5:19
and the reason they got to carry
5:21
their stupid strapped to their
5:22
backs is because their hands must remain
5:24
free at all times to hold
5:26
food and to get that food up to the
5:28
mouth where it gets shov in with all the
5:30
rest of the disgusting they ate
5:32
that
5:33
day
5:35
and another reason for the backpacks is
5:38
these people are going to buy even more
5:40
stupid they ain't got enough stupid
5:42
at home they just had a stupid
5:44
sale they going to buy more they're
5:46
going to go out in the parking lot and
5:47
stuff this stuff into the big fat ugly
5:49
oversized
5:51
SUV that's got plenty of room in it
5:53
plenty of room in it for stupid and
5:55
lots of room left over for these big fat
5:56
ugly to get them home
5:59
stopping of course for jelly roll and
6:01
fried
6:02
dough these people these people are
6:04
efficient professional compulsive
6:06
consumers it's their civic duty
6:09
consumption it's the new National
6:11
Pastime baseball it's consumption
6:14
the only true lasting American value
6:16
that's left buying things buying things
6:20
people spending money they don't have on
6:22
things they don't need money they don't
6:23
have on things they don't need so they
6:25
can max out their credit cards and spend
6:27
the rest of their lives paying 18%
6:28
interest on something to cost
6:30
$1250 and they didn't like it when they
6:32
got it home anyway not too bright folks
6:35
not too bright but if you talk
6:37
to one of them about this if you isolate
6:38
one of them you sit them down rationally
6:39
you talk to them about the low iq's and
6:42
the dumb Behavior and the bad decisions
6:44
right away they start talking about
6:45
education that's the big answer to
6:46
everything education they said we need
6:48
more money for Education we need more
6:50
more books more teachers more classrooms
6:52
more schools we need more testing for
6:54
the kids you say to them well you know
6:56
we've tried all of that and the kids
6:57
still can't pass the test ah don't you
7:00
worry about that we're going to lower
7:01
the passing grades and that's what they
7:03
do in a lot of these schools now they
7:04
lower the passing grades so more kids
7:05
can pass more kids pass the school looks
7:08
good everybody's happy the IQ of the
7:09
country slips another two or three
7:10
points and pretty soon all you'll need
7:12
to get into college is a
7:15
pencil got a pencil get the in
7:17
there it's
7:18
physics then everyone wonders why 17
7:20
other countries graduate more scientists
7:22
than we do education politicians know
7:25
that word they use it on you politicians
7:27
have traditionally hidden behind three
7:29
things the flag the Bible and children
7:33
No Child Left Behind No Child Left
7:35
Behind oh really well it wasn't long ago
7:37
you were talking about giving kids a
7:38
Head Start Head Start left behind
7:41
someone's losing ground
7:44
here but there's a reason there's a
7:46
reason there's a reason for this there's
7:48
a reason education sucks and it's the
7:50
same reason that it will never ever ever
7:53
be fixed it's never going to get any
7:54
better don't look for it be happy with
7:57
what you got because the owners of this
8:00
country don't want that I'm talking
8:02
about the real owners now the real
8:04
owners the big wealthy business interest
8:07
that control things and make all the
8:08
important decisions forget the
8:10
politicians the politicians are put
8:12
there to give you the idea that you have
8:13
freedom of choice you don't you have no
8:17
choice you have owners they own you they
8:20
own everything they own all the
8:22
important land they own and control the
8:25
corporations they've long since bought
8:26
and paid for the Senate the Congress the
8:28
state houses the City Halls they got the
8:29
judges in their back pockets and they
8:31
own all the big media companies so they
8:33
control just about all of the news and
8:35
information you get to hear they got you
8:37
by the balls they they spend billions of
8:39
dollars every year lobbying lobbying to
8:43
get what they want well we know what
8:46
they want they want more for themselves
8:48
and less for everybody else but I'll
8:50
tell you what they don't want they don't
8:52
want a population of citizens capable of
8:54
critical thinking they don't want
8:55
well-informed well-educated people
8:58
capable of critical thinking they not
8:59
interested in that that doesn't help
9:01
them that's against their interest
9:03
that's right they don't want people who
9:06
are smart enough to sit around the
9:07
kitchen table and figure out how badly
9:08
they're getting by a system that
9:10
threw them overboard 30 years
9:11
ago they don't want that you know what
9:13
they want they want obedient workers
9:16
obedient workers people who are just
9:19
smart enough to run the machines and do
9:20
the paperwork and just dumb enough to
9:23
passively accept all these increasingly
9:25
shittier jobs with the lower pay the
9:27
longer hours the reduced benefits the
9:29
end of overtime and the vanishing
9:30
pension that disappears the minute you
9:32
go to collect it and now they're coming
9:34
for your Social Security money they want
9:36
your retirement money they want
9:38
it back so they can give it to their
9:41
criminal friends on Wall Street and you
9:43
know something they'll get it they'll
9:44
get it all from you sooner or later cuz
9:46
they own this place it's a big
9:49
club and you ain't in
9:51
it you and I are not in the big club by
9:56
the way it's the same big Club they used
9:57
to beat you over the head with all day
9:58
long when they tell you what to believe
10:00
all day long beating you over the head
10:01
in their media telling you what to
10:03
believe what to think and what to buy
10:05
the table is tilted folks the game is
10:07
rigged and nobody seems to notice nobody
10:10
seems to care good honest hardworking
10:13
people white collar Blue Collar doesn't
10:15
matter what color shirt you have on good
10:17
honest hardworking people continue these
10:19
are people of modest means continue to
10:21
elect these rich who don't
10:23
give a about them they don't give a
10:25
about you they don't give a
10:27
about you they don't care about you at
10:30
all at all at
10:32
all man you
10:36
know and nobody seems to notice nobody
10:39
seems to care that's what the owners
10:40
count on the fact that Americans will
10:42
probably remain willfully ignorant of
10:45
the big red white and blue dick that's
10:46
being jammed up their every day
10:49
because the owners of this country know
10:51
the truth it's called The American Dream
10:54
cuz you have to be asleep to believe it
— end of transcript —
Advertisement
