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[00:23] Okay, Mrs. Bonaparte, this is it,
[00:25] one last push and we're done.
[00:29] Congratulations! It's a general.
[00:31] Oh, and here comes the
rest of the army now.
[00:36] Did you just say the rest of the army?
[00:39] (fanfare music)
[01:00] History is full of great conquerors
[01:02] many with very impressive origin stories.
[01:04] For example, Alexander The
Great was the son of a king.
[01:07] Julius Caesar came from
an aristocratic family
[01:10] that descended from a goddess.
[01:11] Great conquerors don't usually come
[01:13] from relatively
insignificant families living
[01:15] on impoverished islands,
but as it just so happens
[01:18] that is where our story begins.
[01:21] In the early 18th century,
[01:23] The Island of Corsica was a part
[01:24] of the Republic of Genoa until
one day Corsica said, Hey
[01:27] we're declaring independence
and it's probably
[01:29] not worth your time to try and stop us.
[01:31] So Genoa said, you're right,
it isn't worth our time.
[01:33] Hey France, you want to buy this island?
[01:35] And France said, sure thing.
[01:37] And thus Corsica became
France just in time
[01:39] for Napoleon to be born French.
[01:41] Many Corsicans didn't appreciate
their new conquers however.
[01:45] And from an early age,
Napoleon developed some fairly
[01:47] anti French sentiments.
[01:48] Napoleon's dad, however,
[01:50] quickly embraced his new French overlords
[01:52] which created some tension
between dad and son.
[01:54] Ooh. Look at me. I'm dad.
[01:56] I wear powdered wigs and
silver buckled shoes.
[01:58] And I'm a trader to the Corsican people.
[02:00] Go to your room Napoleon.
[02:01] No, you go to your room, dad.
[02:04] Okay.
[02:05] On the other hand,
Napoleon adored his mother
[02:07] who was definitely the
disciplinarian of the family.
[02:09] And even though she would
punish Napoleon severely,
[02:11] he kind of respected that.
[02:12] But Napoleon's parents wanted
the best for their family.
[02:15] And since they were a very minor nobility
[02:17] they were able to have Napoleon sent
[02:18] off to the shining lights
[02:19] and rat-infested sewage
puddles of the big city.
[02:22] Napoleon went to military
school in France.
[02:25] Okay. Napoleon, why don't
you introduce yourself
[02:27] to your new classmates?
[02:28] Well, I'm Napoleon, and I hate all of you.
[02:30] Your farts smell like cheese.
[02:32] You can't pronounce the letter R.
[02:33] All you do is go on strike.
[02:34] And you call eggs "oeufs" like a bunch of
[02:36] big dumb idiot dingleberries.
[02:39] Okay, thanks Napoleon.
[02:42] I hope you like being bullied.
[02:44] And bullied he was.
[02:45] They picked on him for
his Corsican accent,
[02:47] his family's lack of wealth,
[02:49] and it probably didn't help
that he also had a bit of a chip
[02:51] on his shoulder, but
he could hold his own.
[02:53] And on an average day,
might be found dishing
[02:55] out ratatouille sandwiches for breakfast.
[02:57] He spent much of his time
alone, and he loved reading
[03:00] about the great conquerors of history.
[03:02] He learned about Julius
Caesar, and he wondered
[03:04] if one day he too might
have a pizza franchise named
[03:07] after him,
[03:08] (funky music)
[03:10] He excelled at math and geography,
[03:12] and when he graduated at the age of 16,
[03:14] he was made second Lieutenant
in an artillery regiment.
[03:17] Now, Second Lieutenant might
sound pretty sweet to a
[03:19] screw up like you, but
Napoleon had a little something
[03:22] called ambition, stonks of it.
[03:25] And he wasn't content being
just some junior officer.
[03:28] He wanted to rise the ranks.
[03:30] Unfortunately for him, that
would be a little difficult.
[03:33] Well, Napoleon I've
reviewed your application,
[03:35] it's clear you're very skilled
[03:37] and would be a perfect
fit for the promotion.
[03:39] And Simeon,
[03:40] you're just about the
biggest idiot I've ever seen.
[03:42] Your test results suggest
you have the mental aptitude
[03:44] of a senile earthworm.
[03:45] And in the part of the form
where you list your experience,
[03:47] you seem to have drawn
a picture of a gerbil
[03:48] giving birth to a shoe,
[03:50] but your dad is the
Marquis de la Foofayette,
[03:52] so, you get the job.
[03:54] (Simeon screams)
[03:55] French society was just too closed off.
[03:58] Positions were handed out
based on nobility, not talent.
[04:02] And the young Napoleon
probably felt stuck.
[04:04] Wouldn't it be nice if, say,
a revolution came along,
[04:08] and changed all of that?
[04:09] Well, what are the chances?
[04:11] The French revolution is here.
[04:13] Bastille toppling, head
chopping, king popping,
[04:16] the revolution promised to do away
[04:18] with the old social hierarchy
[04:19] and make everyone a little more equal.
[04:21] Napoleon may not have cared
much for the violent mobs,
[04:24] but if it meant he could
rise the ranks, he was in.
[04:28] He began fighting to
defend the revolution.
[04:30] He put down a British
sponsored counter-revolution
[04:32] into Toulon and got promoted.
[04:34] He put down a royalist uprising
in Paris and got promoted.
[04:37] And as his military prowess
became more recognized
[04:40] he was even given his very own army.
[04:42] It was astonishing progress
[04:44] for such a young man of humble origins
[04:46] and Napoleon's wildest
dreams were coming true.
[04:49] But Napoleon also
believed he could increase
[04:51] his social status if he
married an older rich lady.
[04:53] And so around this time,
Napoleon went on the prowl.
[04:57] However, if some sources
are to be believed,
[04:59] he was a verified creep.
[05:01] He reportedly had terrible luck with woman
[05:03] and most wanted nothing to do with him.
[05:05] Fortunately, he eventually met Josephine
[05:07] an aging single mother
who was deeply in debt,
[05:10] and needed stability.
[05:11] So she agreed to marry him,
[05:12] despite finding him intensely disgusting.
[05:14] Napoleon you dirty dog, you've done it.
[05:17] Unbeknownst to Napoleon however,
[05:19] Josephine had a bit of a
promiscuous reputation.
[05:22] Hey Napoleon, I hear
you're marrying Josephine.
[05:24] Boy, she sure is a great kisser.
[05:26] That's right.
[05:27] Hey, wait, what do you
mean she's a great kisser?
[05:29] Hey Hugo! You hear Napoleon's
marrying Josephine?
[05:31] Wow. She sure is a great kisser.
[05:33] Now hang on just a minute.
[05:34] Hey everyone! Napoleon's
marrying Josephine!
[05:37] (crowd talks over each other)
[05:42] Oh for goodness sake,
[05:43] is there anyone here who
hasn't kissed my wife?
[05:45] Yeah, you.
[05:47] (crowd laughs)
[05:49] As Napoleon fell madly in
love with his new wife.
[05:51] She fell madly in love
with a man named Hippolyte.
[05:54] It wouldn't be long however,
[05:56] before Napoleon would
leave home and go to war
[05:58] because while France was
having its revolution,
[06:00] tensions in Europe were rising.
[06:03] Hey Austria, you'll never
guess what we just did.
[06:05] What's that France?
[06:06] I got two words for you, Revo, Lution.
[06:09] We totally just socked it to our monarchy!
[06:12] What, dude, the rest of us are monarchies.
[06:15] You've just totally threatened the balance
[06:17] of power in Europe.
[06:18] Now we have to worry
about our stinky peasants
[06:21] rising up against us.
[06:22] I mean, holy hell your Queen is
[06:25] Okay, France. This is pretty awkward.
[06:27] And the rest of Europe
is probably itching to
[06:29] give you a wedgie, but you're
not ready for a war yet.
[06:32] So you gotta be cool man.
[06:34] It's absolutely crucial that you
[06:36] say something to diffuse
the situation, right now.
[06:39] Preposterous!
[06:42] I declare war.
[06:44] Sacrébleu!
[06:46] So France ended up at war with
basically the rest of Europe,
[06:49] and the war of the first coalition began.
[06:52] At first France struggled,
[06:54] but then they started
to do surprisingly well.
[06:56] And in many conquered territories
[06:57] they began to establish sister republics,
[07:00] exporting their revolutionary
ideas across Europe.
[07:03] In 1796, they planned a
three-pronged attack to take Vienna
[07:06] and knock Austria out of the
war with two magnificent armies
[07:09] in the north to kick ass,
and Napoleon in the south,
[07:12] as a bit of a diversion.
[07:13] For the first time, Napoleon
would lead a military campaign.
[07:16] This was his chance to prove
himself, to be somebody,
[07:20] and what a general, he proved to be.
[07:22] The army he was given were demoralized,
[07:24] lacking equipment, and underpaid,
[07:26] but Napoleon galvanized them
with inspirational speeches.
[07:29] And he took them into Italy.
[07:31] He was outnumbered and
his campaign was partially
[07:33] meant to be a sideshow, but
he made it the main show.
[07:36] While the two Northern
armies were being held back,
[07:39] Napoleon made staggering progress.
[07:41] In a signature Napoleon move,
[07:43] he masterfully split his enemies into two
[07:45] and took them on separately,
[07:46] knocking Sardinia out of the war,
[07:48] and putting the Austrians on the run.
[07:50] At the famous Battle of Lodi,
[07:51] he was in the fray,
aiming the canons himself,
[07:54] getting covered in mud,
[07:55] and earning the total respect of his men.
[07:57] They respected him so much,
[07:59] that when he ordered an
almost suicidal assault
[08:01] on the only bridge in town,
his men threw themselves at it
[08:03] and took it despite fierce
Austrian resistance.
[08:06] For Napoleon, it was
all he needed to confirm
[08:09] that he was the greatest
human who had ever existed.
[08:12] Wow Napoleon, you're pretty
great at this military stuff.
[08:14] Just be careful, your
head doesn't get too big.
[08:16] What did you just say
to me you little prick?
[08:18] And as Napoleon swept
through Northern Italy,
[08:20] the Italians cheered his arrival.
[08:23] Yes! I'm here to liberate you from your
[08:25] cruel Austrian oppressors.
[08:31] And replace them with French ones.
[08:34] Napoleon plundered as he
went, sending riches back
[08:36] to France to help its economy, but also
[08:38] paying his men the first real
money that's seen in years.
[08:41] The Pope had been
supporting the Austrians,
[08:43] so Napoleon briefly went
to go give him a slap.
[08:45] And as he began to approach Vienna,
[08:47] the exhausted Austrians
were forced to make peace,
[08:49] with Napoleon overseeing
negotiations himself.
[08:52] He had just single-handedly
knocked Austria out of the war.
[08:55] And by the way, he was only 28.
[08:58] So maybe it's about time you
moved out of your dad's attic.
[09:00] In the Italian territories
he had conquered,
[09:02] Napoleon established new
French sister republics,
[09:05] even writing constitutions
[09:06] and organizing governments himself.
[09:08] Not something a general generally does.
[09:10] When he got back to France,
he was hailed as a hero
[09:13] and the extremely unpopular
government were concerned
[09:16] he might get some power hungry ideas.
[09:18] So they agreed he should go
far away from France, to Egypt,
[09:21] where he could maybe undermine
British access to India.
[09:23] Napoleon was eager to win more glory.
[09:26] So he brought with him a team of scholars,
[09:28] and he was like, whoa
it's a freaky man cat.
[09:30] Whoa, it's a big stick.
[09:32] Whoa, It's an ugly horse.
[09:33] Whoa, it's a stumpy little manlet.
[09:35] Hey, I'm actually average
height for the time.
[09:40] But then British Admiral Nelson came down
[09:42] and wrecked his fleet.
[09:42] And an Anglo-Ottoman force
defeated him at Acre.
[09:45] So Napoleon abandoned his
men and went back to France.
[09:48] His campaign in Egypt hadn't
gone quite as planned.
[09:51] But one thing you should
know about Napoleon was
[09:53] that he was a skilled propagandist.
[09:55] He published his own
newspapers that sometimes
[09:57] exaggerated his achievements
and even commissioned paintings
[10:00] that generally made him look cool.
[10:02] So when he returned to
Paris, he was yet again,
[10:04] hailed as a hero,
[10:06] and he began to get
some power hungry ideas.
[10:08] First however, he had a bit
of a problem to deal with.
[10:11] See, he had learned something
shocking about his dear wife.
[10:14] Really Josephine, this guy?
[10:16] I'm just as tall as him.
[10:18] I'm sorry.
[10:19] I swear, now that you're becoming famous,
[10:21] I'll never do it again.
[10:23] Make sure you don't.
[10:24] I've never stooped so
low as to cheat on you.
[10:27] Now, if you'll excuse
me, I'll be in this room,
[10:30] consulting my generals
for the next 30 minutes.
[10:32] And by consulting, I mean boinking,
[10:34] by my generals, I mean this woman
[10:37] and by 30 minutes, well
I mean two seconds.
[10:41] Having dealt with his wife,
Napoleon was then approached
[10:44] by a very influential politician,
who said he had an idea.
[10:46] He wanted to stage a
coup against the deeply
[10:49] unpopular government
[10:49] and needed the extremely
popular Napoleon's help.
[10:52] And Napoleon thought that was
just the darn tootin'est idea.
[10:55] The plan was to trap the government
[10:57] and convince them to
voluntarily give up their power.
[10:59] And here's how they did it.
[11:01] Hey guys, oh my gosh, quick!
[11:03] There's a dangerous Jacobin
plot to overthrow you
[11:05] which we definitely aren't just making up.
[11:06] Better get inside this
cage so we can protect you.
[11:10] Okay.
[11:13] Gentlemen, we got them.
[11:15] (cheers)
[11:16] In this case, the cage
was an isolated palace
[11:19] outside of Paris, with no
one around but Napoleon
[11:22] and his army.
[11:22] With the government inside,
Napoleon then entered
[11:25] and a pretty chaotic event ensued.
[11:27] During which, the government
didn't seem entirely sure
[11:28] what was going on, Napoleon's
men didn't seem entirely sure
[11:31] what was going on, and Napoleon himself
[11:33] didn't seem entirely
sure what was going on.
[11:35] But thankfully Napoleon's brother Lucien,
[11:37] President of the Lower House,
managed to regain control
[11:40] and the remaining
councilmen were intimidated
[11:42] into creating a new constitution.
[11:44] And thus, a new government was formed.
[11:45] This time with three Consuls in charge.
[11:48] But after Napoleon did some rewriting,
[11:49] in the end there was really
only one man in charge,
[11:52] the first Consul, him.
[11:54] And over the next few years,
[11:55] he worked to consolidate even more power
[11:57] and essentially became a dictator
[11:59] in total control of France,
who, by the way, he was only 30.
[12:03] So maybe it's about time you washed
[12:04] your disgusting bedsheets.
[12:06] France was now ruled by
possibly the greatest
[12:08] military leader of the time.
[12:10] Possibly the greatest? Or definitely?
[12:12] Well now is his chance to prove it.
[12:15] See, back when Napoleon
was still in Egypt,
[12:17] being Indiana Jones, back
home France was in France,
[12:21] being France.
[12:22] They had conquered even more
territory and they were like
[12:25] hey Piedmont, you get
revolutionary ideals.
[12:27] Hey Switzerland, you get
revolutionary ideals.
[12:30] And Rome, you get revolutionary ideals.
[12:33] Everybody gets revolutionary.
[12:34] Oh, Hey guys, nice sledgehammers,
[12:37] and Naples, very cool nail gun.
[12:39] You guys here to get some
revolutionary ideals?
[12:41] (screams)
[12:43] Sacre bleu!
[12:45] As France was still
spreading the revolution,
[12:47] And with Napoleon busy in Egypt,
[12:48] the European powers felt the
time was right for round two.
[12:51] And the War of the
Second Coalition, began.
[12:54] And this time they're
big, bad boy buddy Russia
[12:57] was here to bang some French
boys back to Bordeaux.
[12:59] And bang them, they did.
[13:01] France, got blasted.
[13:03] But then Russia pulled out
after stalling in Switzerland.
[13:05] And now that Napoleon was
in charge of the country
[13:08] he was ready to start blasting right back.
[13:10] He took command of The Army of the Reserve
[13:12] and he brought the fight to the Austrians.
[13:15] Now, there are many
traits that made Napoleon
[13:17] a great military leader.
[13:19] I already mentioned one of them,
how he was one of the boys,
[13:21] and commanded the total
loyalty of his men.
[13:23] But now we see a second reason,
the element of surprise.
[13:27] In 1800, Napoleon moved to Geneva
[13:29] and it looked like he was
probably going to take
[13:31] on the Austrian forces in Germany.
[13:33] There's no way he'd be crazy enough to
[13:35] move his entire army
south through the Alps as
[13:36] a surprise attack on the
Austrians besieging Genoa.
[13:39] Oh, Napoleon's moving
his entire army south
[13:41] through the Alps as a surprise attack
[13:42] on the Austrians besieging Genoa.
[13:44] Napoleon's crossing of
the Alps, is legendary.
[13:46] And you may have seen one
of the most famous paintings
[13:48] of the general popping a
sick wheelie on his majestic
[13:50] stallion, surrounded by
dangerous mountain terrain.
[13:53] Of course, in real life,
he made the crossing
[13:55] on a depressed mule,
but that's not as cool.
[13:58] When he emerged in Italy,
the Austrians expected him to
[14:00] come break their siege.
[14:01] But Napoleon went for their
supply line near Milan,
[14:04] forcing the Austrians
to meet Napoleon head-on
[14:06] at the famous battle of Marengo.
[14:08] The Austrians initially clobbered
the out-numbered French.
[14:10] And they were like, hooray, we won.
[14:12] But then a few hours later,
Napoleon showed up again
[14:14] with an even bigger army and
he clobbered them right back.
[14:17] Holy cow this tiny little
fun sized French guy
[14:20] is running rings around us.
[14:21] Hey! I'm average height
for the time, you jerk!
[14:24] Then, after General Moreau's
victory at Hohenlinden,
[14:27] Vienna was exposed and the
Austrians again, sued for peace.
[14:31] Just like the war of The First Coalition,
[14:33] the Second Coalition ended
in another French victory.
[14:35] But in many ways
[14:36] they both felt more
like Napoleon victories.
[14:39] Only the UK remained at
war with Napoleon and
[14:42] they were using their powerful
Navy to blockade French ports
[14:44] and were even seizing the
cargoes of neutral ships.
[14:47] Obviously everyone else got pretty pissed
[14:49] off that the British were
interfering with their trade.
[14:51] So in response,
[14:52] they formed a league and they
embargoed the UK right back.
[14:56] Neutral countries protecting
their own interests?
[14:59] That's offensive.
[15:00] So Britain went to Copenhagen
and blew a bunch of stuff up.
[15:02] And the league disbanded.
[15:04] But because UK's economy was pretty bust
[15:06] they decided to sign a
treaty with France in 1802.
[15:09] For the first time in a long
time, Europe was at peace.
[15:13] Congratulations, Sire,
you've achieved peace.
[15:16] Yes, Pierre, but not for long.
[15:18] I still don't trust those dirty Brits.
[15:20] Did you hear they've been
calling me the Boneyman?
[15:23] What does that even mean?
[15:24] Keep an eye on them, would you?
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[16:30] Now, where were we? Oh yeah.
[16:33] Crossing the Alps,
defeating the Austrians,
[16:36] and Europe at peace.
[16:38] What a meteoric rise it had
been for the young Corsican.
[16:42] He had just taken charge of
a nation that appeared to
[16:44] be losing a war and turned it all around,
[16:46] securing French gains in Europe.
[16:49] But there was now a big
question, you see, throughout
[16:52] the chaotic French
revolution, French governments
[16:54] had struggled to keep the economy afloat.
[16:56] They often didn't have
a whole lot of support
[16:58] and they frequently came and went.
[17:00] Would Napoleon finally be the
man who could stick around?
[17:03] Military victories were one thing,
[17:05] but could the general also govern?
[17:07] Spoiler alert, yes.
[17:09] The economy's crumbling?
[17:11] Well then why don't you have
yourself a new national bank,
[17:13] currency reform, and improve
taxation and welfare systems.
[17:16] The legal system is an incoherent mess?
[17:18] Well then why don't we nicely
wrap all those civil laws up
[17:20] into one new centralized legal code?
[17:23] Corrupt government officials?
throw them in the trash.
[17:25] Bad infrastructure? Throw it in the trash.
[17:27] Women's rights? Throw them in the trash.
[17:29] Wait, really?
[17:30] Well, Yeah. Unfortunately,
while Napoleon was building
[17:33] on the equality of the revolution,
[17:35] he also largely scaled back
rights for certain groups
[17:37] and husbands had full legal
control over their wives.
[17:40] But come on ladies,
[17:42] maybe let men have a slice
of the pie for once, okay?
[17:45] Napoleon further reformed education,
[17:47] ensuring a system based
on individual ability.
[17:49] Meaning now, Simeon had to
compete with everyone else
[17:52] and Napoleon could get
the cream of the crop
[17:54] to help him run the Republic.
[17:55] But he wasn't just building on
the ideas of the revolution.
[17:58] The revolution had led to a lot of chaos
[18:00] and Napoleon needed stability.
[18:02] So he rolled back a couple of things.
[18:04] Most notably with religion,
the revolution had
[18:07] pretty much kicked the
Catholic church to the curb,
[18:09] but Napoleon understood
that since many French
[18:11] citizens still considered
themselves Catholic,
[18:13] that could be a problem.
[18:14] So he came to an agreement with the Pope
[18:16] and brought back the church.
[18:17] Only this time with some
pretty hefty power limitations.
[18:20] He also ensured freedom
for other religions
[18:22] and is often noted for
his positive treatment
[18:24] of Jewish people at a time
of widespread antisemitism.
[18:27] But while all of this
may make Napoleon sound
[18:29] like a pretty standup
dude, it's good to note
[18:31] that he believed in religious freedom
[18:32] because he thought it was a
powerful tool to keep the poor
[18:34] from eating the rich,
or something like that.
[18:37] Overall, Napoleon's aim
[18:39] was to end the chaos of the revolution
[18:41] and finally create a stable
and prospering French Republic.
[18:44] And in that aim, he seemed
to be largely successful
[18:46] and generally popular
with the people of France.
[18:49] He officially declared
[18:50] that the revolution is over,
adding I am the revolution.
[18:54] Napoleon's head could be seen for miles.
[18:57] Of course, not everyone was
happy with Napoleon's reforms.
[19:00] Conservatives felt he was too radical.
[19:02] Radicals felt he was too conservative.
[19:04] But since Napoleon was a dictator,
[19:06] opposition could usually be stamped out
[19:08] with some good old fashioned iron fisting.
[19:10] In 1804, Napoleon took
one last major step.
[19:13] After some failed attempts
were made to assassinate him.
[19:16] He wanted to strengthen his position
[19:18] and ensure his dynasty
could live on after him.
[19:20] And so he decided being
First Consul for Life
[19:23] simply wasn't quite enough.
[19:24] He decided he should become Emperor.
[19:27] He held a vote asking the
French people if they were cool
[19:30] with the idea and they
returned to definitely
[19:32] not rigged, 99.9% in favor.
[19:35] The balls on this man.
[19:37] And so in the 2nd of December, 1804,
[19:39] in an elaborate ceremony at Notre-dame,
[19:41] Napoleon was made Emperor.
[19:44] The Pope was even invited to attend
[19:45] and normally he would
crown an Emperor, but to
[19:48] make sure everyone knew this
wasn't some Charlemagne style
[19:50] circular power division,
Napoleon lifted the crown
[19:53] and placed it on his own head.
[19:55] Like I said, the balls on this man.
[19:58] He was now Emperor of the French.
[20:00] Well Napoleon, you were a General,
[20:02] then you became First Consul for Life,
[20:04] And now you're an Emperor.
[20:06] Is it enough yet?
[20:07] Is your ambition finally satisfied?
[20:09] I don't know Pierre,
what comes after Emperor?
[20:13] I would say, God sire.
[20:15] You want to be a God?
[20:20] Yes.
[20:22] I'll put it down under maybe.
[20:23] Okay everyone. What the hell is going on?
[20:26] This Corsican guy showed up out of nowhere
[20:28] and he's kicking our ass!
[20:30] He's exporting the ideas
of the French revolution
[20:32] wherever he goes.
[20:33] And he just declared himself
King of Italy and Emperor.
[20:36] He can't do that, I'm the emperor!
[20:38] Oh, hey fellow monarchs.
[20:40] I see you're having a monarch party.
[20:41] My invite must've got lost in the mail.
[20:43] I'll just set up a spot right here.
[20:47] Wow. You don't belong here, Napoleon.
[20:50] We're coming to take you down.
[20:52] I'd like to see you try.
[20:53] I'm so scared, I just pooed my pants.
[20:56] Hey everyone, I just pooed my pants!
[20:58] (crowd laughing)
[21:05] No, but I did just poo my pants.
[21:07] Before Napoleon had even
declared himself Emperor,
[21:10] the British had already
re-declared war on France,
[21:12] because both sides had been
violating their previous treaty.
[21:15] Napoleon immediately occupied Hanover
[21:17] and then began making plans
for a great British invasion.
[21:20] Partially paid for by
selling a huge chunk of land
[21:22] to the United States.
[21:24] Napoleon gathered his army
along the English channel.
[21:27] But here was the problem,
[21:28] while Napoleon's powerful
army would almost certainly
[21:30] obliterate the British on land,
[21:32] there was very little
chance he'd actually make it
[21:34] across the channel because
Britannia ruled the waves.
[21:38] This power dynamic would keep
the two traditional enemies
[21:40] from engaging in much real direct combat
[21:42] throughout the Napoleonic wars.
[21:44] However, the British had
something else up their sleeves,
[21:47] copious amounts of money.
[21:49] They were willing to throw cash at anyone
[21:51] who would go to war against Napoleon.
[21:53] And there were plenty of
takers, Austria, Russia, Naples
[21:56] and Sweden, hoping to put
Napoleon's France back
[21:59] in its place, formed The Third
Coalition against France.
[22:02] The coalition forces probably thought
[22:04] that this time they stood a chance.
[22:06] They weren't prepared
for the total humiliation
[22:09] they were about to suffer.
[22:11] The War of the Third Coalition
was Napoleon at his best.
[22:14] We've already learned two ways
[22:15] in which Napoleon was a
great military commander
[22:18] but here comes one of the
biggest reasons, speed.
[22:20] He had reorganized his army into corps,
[22:22] which were themselves,
basically small armies.
[22:25] Each had their own infantry,
cavalry and artillery.
[22:28] And as a result was able
to act more independently.
[22:31] They spread out through the
countryside and by living
[22:33] off the land, rather than
relying on heavy supply trains
[22:36] they were able to move extremely quickly.
[22:38] Napoleon would traverse massive distances,
[22:40] outmaneuver his enemies,
isolate them and then move in
[22:44] for the kill before they
even knew what was going on.
[22:47] Lightening warfare, leading
to total destruction.
[22:50] Would you like to see him do it?
[22:51] Here we go.
[22:52] Part of the Coalition's plan
was for the Russians to meet up
[22:54] with the Austrians and
take on Napoleon together.
[22:57] Combined, they could turn
the tide against him.
[22:59] So Napoleon needed to stop
them from ever meeting,
[23:02] but he's all the way over in Bouillon.
[23:04] No problem.
[23:04] In a matter of weeks,
Napoleon marched 200,000 men,
[23:08] in secret, encircling
Austrian general Mack,
[23:11] and capturing his entire army.
[23:13] A devastating blow.
[23:14] Napoleon later remarked,
[23:16] I have destroyed the Austrian
army by simply marching.
[23:19] Next, he turned to face
the approaching Russians.
[23:21] Okay. It looks like the
French are coming for us,
[23:23] but check this out.
[23:24] I've got an amazing idea.
[23:26] When they approach, We run away,
[23:30] Sir, you're a genius.
[23:32] The Russians began to retreat
with Napoleon giving chase.
[23:35] And since his tactics
relied on quick victories,
[23:37] this could be a problem.
[23:39] Especially because the
longer the war went on,
[23:41] the more likely it looked
[23:42] other countries may join
the coalition against him.
[23:44] But Napoleon knew the Russians are
[23:46] Alexander The First, who
was young and seeking glory.
[23:49] So he came up with an idea to lure him in.
[23:52] He sent him a message.
[23:54] What does it say?
[23:55] It says, hello. I'm
just a little baby boy,
[23:58] and I'm very scared.
[24:00] Are you talking like that, or is he?
[24:02] He is, sir.
[24:03] Why's he doing that?
[24:04] I don't know, but it's very
cute, helpless, and vulnerable.
[24:08] A little baby boy.
[24:10] Very scared.
[24:12] Cute?
[24:14] Boris, get my crossbow,
we're going hunting.
[24:17] The Allied forces turned to face Napoleon,
[24:19] who they now believed was
in a vulnerable position.
[24:21] He was set up at Austerlitz
[24:23] and to make it look
like he was retreating,
[24:25] he had even evacuated the high ground.
[24:27] A thick fog set in,
obscuring Napoleon's center,
[24:30] as the Allies took the bait
and set up on the heights.
[24:32] From there,
[24:33] they spotted Napoleon's very
weak looking right flank.
[24:36] And they descended the
Heights to go get it.
[24:38] Little did they know,
[24:39] it was exactly what Napoleon
was hoping they'd do.
[24:42] The next thing they knew, a
large French force was emerging
[24:45] from the fog, launching a huge
central assault up the hill.
[24:48] They swung around crushing the allies.
[24:50] And as men attempted to flee
across the frozen lakes,
[24:53] Napoleon ordered his
artillery to fire on the ice,
[24:56] causing an unknown number to drown.
[24:59] But he told me he was just a
little baby boy, what happened?
[25:02] He tricked you, sir.
[25:03] You mean I was the little
baby boy all along?
[25:08] It was Napoleon's masterpiece.
[25:10] And Austria were once again forced
[25:11] to make peace with France.
[25:13] Then, with the French
conquest of Naples in 1806,
[25:16] The War of the Third Coalition ended
[25:18] as yet another Napoleon victory.
[25:21] This was the third time
Napoleon had had to
[25:23] give Austrian Emperor
Francis a good spanking.
[25:26] And so with the peace treaty in 1805,
[25:29] Napoleon was determined to punish him.
[25:31] He was forced to give up territory,
[25:33] hand over significant compensation,
[25:35] and promised never to
fight Napoleon again.
[25:37] For now Russia, Sweden, and the UK
[25:40] remained at war with France
[25:41] but none were able to
offer much of a threat.
[25:43] And so Napoleon got to work
[25:45] strengthening his grip over Europe.
[25:47] He gave out rule of captured territories
[25:49] to his family and friends.
[25:50] And most notably, he
established a new Confederation
[25:53] in Germany with himself as its protector.
[25:56] Seeing his influence in
Germany being wiped away,
[25:58] Emperor Francis acknowledged reality,
[26:01] and officially dissolved
the holy Roman empire.
[26:03] An entity that had existed
for over a thousand years.
[26:06] But it wasn't all good news for Napoleon.
[26:09] For one thing, Spain had earlier
allied with France in 1804,
[26:12] because the British just
couldn't help themselves
[26:14] from blowing up Spanish ships.
[26:15] And Napoleon hoped the
combined French-Spanish fleet
[26:18] would eventually be
able to invade England.
[26:20] Unfortunately, he received word
that British Admiral Nelson
[26:22] had engaged his fleet at Trafalgar.
[26:25] Normally Naval battles looked
like this, but in this case,
[26:28] Nelson did this?
[26:29] Was it because he was an idiot?
[26:31] No, it's because he was a genius.
[26:34] He successfully punched through
the Franco-Spanish line,
[26:37] and unleashed hell.
[26:38] His victory ensured British
control of the sea and his death
[26:41] during the battle made him a legend.
[26:44] Napoleon's hopes for a future
British invasion, were gone.
[26:47] But not just that, Napoleon
was also hoping to secure peace
[26:50] on the continent, but
that wasn't looking likely
[26:52] because the Prussian king was
under pressure from his wife.
[26:56] Frederick, he's established
a Confederation in our turf,
[26:59] and he told us he'd give us Hanover
[27:01] but then offered it to the British.
[27:02] You have to declare war on him.
[27:04] What is it with you and war?
[27:05] What is it with you and being a cupcake?
[27:07] Go to war.
[27:08] Okay.
[27:09] In October 1806, Prussia,
[27:11] with its famed military
tradition joined the Coalition,
[27:14] and declared war beginning the
War of the Fourth Coalition.
[27:17] Unfortunately, Prussian King
Frederick William the Third,
[27:20] Wasn't the smartest tool in the shed.
[27:22] Look at him over there.
[27:23] Being all French, makes me sick!
[27:25] Boys, will get him this time.
[27:27] But here's the thing, this
time we have to stick together.
[27:31] Do not, under any circumstances,
face Napoleon by yourself.
[27:34] You all saw what happened to Austria.
[27:37] Hey, where'd Fred go?
[27:38] Hey you jerk, think you're
some kind of big shot, huh?
[27:41] Want to tango with Fred?
[27:42] You don't got the cajones.
[27:43] We're screwed.
[27:44] Without consulting its allies,
[27:45] Prussia had gone ahead and
sent Napoleon an ultimatum,
[27:48] Demanding he move all his
forces out of Germany.
[27:50] Now some of you watching this video,
[27:52] probably can't even wipe
your own bum bum yet,
[27:54] but even you know,
[27:55] you don't just send Napoleon an ultimatum.
[27:58] Obviously, Napoleon went in for the kill.
[28:00] Prussia's army was quite outdated.
[28:02] So when they met Napoleon
at the twin battles
[28:04] of Jena and Auerstedt,
it wasn't even close.
[28:07] Even Marshall Davout's heavily
outnumbered corp at Auerstedt
[28:10] sent the Prussians running
and Napoleon carried
[28:12] out a ruthless pursuit of his
fleeing enemy, taking Berlin.
[28:15] And within a single month,
decimating the Prussian forces.
[28:18] Frederick William, and
the remnants of his army,
[28:20] moved to the east.
[28:22] At this point, Napoleon's
forces were pretty tired.
[28:24] Winter had come and
conditions were miserable.
[28:27] He anticipated both sides would
settle into winter quarters,
[28:30] but Russia decided to try their hand
[28:32] at an unexpected winter attack.
[28:34] A series of brutal battles
followed that took a heavy toll
[28:37] on both sides, including
the vicious Battle of Eylau,
[28:40] fought in blizzard conditions.
[28:42] Men froze to death, and many deserted.
[28:45] The Russian artillery
tore the French to shreds,
[28:47] and Napoleon himself was momentarily
[28:49] under risk of being captured.
[28:51] In the end, the French army was saved,
[28:53] thanks to a legendary cavalry charge
[28:54] by Napoleon's flamboyant
cavalry commander, Murat.
[28:57] After the horror inflicted on both sides,
[29:00] they decided it might
be a good idea not to
[29:01] do any more fighting until after winter.
[29:03] Then after winter came
and the fighting continued
[29:06] the Russians were pushed
back to Friedland,
[29:08] where Russian general Bennigsen
made a bit of a blunder
[29:11] by positioning himself with
the aloe river to his back.
[29:14] The French artillery were
able to pin the Russians
[29:16] between the river and
their concentrated gunfire.
[29:18] A major element in
Napoleon's fighting style
[29:21] and many Russians drowned
as they tried to escape.
[29:24] War of the Fourth Coalition,
victory, Napoleon.
[29:29] (dramatic music)