WEBVTT 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:05.520 There's two ways to see the world. Some 00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:07.519 people see the thing that they want and 00:00:05.519 --> 00:00:09.199 some people see the thing that prevents 00:00:07.519 --> 00:00:12.199 them from getting the thing that they 00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:12.199 want. 00:00:12.718 --> 00:00:15.838 There's there's [music] a great story of 00:00:13.839 --> 00:00:17.198 two two lumberjacks where every morning 00:00:15.839 --> 00:00:18.800 they start chopping wood at the same 00:00:17.199 --> 00:00:20.160 time and every day they stop chopping 00:00:18.800 --> 00:00:21.760 wood at the same time [music] and every 00:00:20.160 --> 00:00:23.199 day one of the lumberjacks disappears 00:00:21.760 --> 00:00:25.279 for about an hour in the middle of the 00:00:23.199 --> 00:00:26.720 day and every day he chops more wood 00:00:25.278 --> 00:00:28.800 than the other guy. [music] And this 00:00:26.719 --> 00:00:30.239 goes on for months. And eventually the 00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:32.239 one who works all day, he says, "I don't 00:00:30.239 --> 00:00:34.399 understand. Every day we start at the 00:00:32.238 --> 00:00:37.119 same time. Every day we stop at the same 00:00:34.399 --> 00:00:38.960 time. Every day you disappear for about 00:00:37.119 --> 00:00:41.199 an hour in the middle of the day. And 00:00:38.960 --> 00:00:43.039 every day you chop more wood than me. 00:00:41.200 --> 00:00:45.440 Where do you go for that hour?" And the 00:00:43.039 --> 00:00:48.000 other lumberjack looks up and goes, "Oh, 00:00:45.439 --> 00:00:49.920 go home and sharpen my axe." You know 00:00:48.000 --> 00:00:51.280 that that if you if you if you take an 00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:53.359 infinite mindset, it's not about how 00:00:51.280 --> 00:00:54.558 much you can get done each day. It's how 00:00:53.359 --> 00:00:55.759 much you can get done over the course of 00:00:54.558 --> 00:00:58.718 a career or over the course of a 00:00:55.759 --> 00:01:00.718 lifetime. And [music] and you you got to 00:00:58.719 --> 00:01:02.000 take vacations, which means you turn off 00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:03.535 your email and you turn off your phone 00:01:02.000 --> 00:01:06.079 and you do not connect to the office. 00:01:03.534 --> 00:01:07.759 [music] You know, go sharpen your axe. I 00:01:06.079 --> 00:01:10.560 have five little rules that you can 00:01:07.760 --> 00:01:13.040 follow as you find your spark and bring 00:01:10.560 --> 00:01:15.600 your spark [music] to life. The first is 00:01:13.040 --> 00:01:18.080 to go after the things that you want. 00:01:15.599 --> 00:01:20.640 Let me tell you a story. So, a friend of 00:01:18.079 --> 00:01:23.840 mine and I, we went for a run in Central 00:01:20.640 --> 00:01:25.200 Park. The Roadrunners organization, uh, 00:01:23.840 --> 00:01:27.600 on the weekends, they host [music] 00:01:25.200 --> 00:01:28.880 races, and it's very common at the end 00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:31.359 of the race, they'll have a sponsor who 00:01:28.879 --> 00:01:33.438 will give away something, apples or 00:01:31.359 --> 00:01:34.799 bagels or something. And on this 00:01:33.438 --> 00:01:37.039 particular day, when we got to the end 00:01:34.799 --> 00:01:40.400 of the run, there were some free [music] 00:01:37.040 --> 00:01:42.400 bagels. And they had picnic tables set 00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:44.880 up and on one side was a group of 00:01:42.400 --> 00:01:47.439 volunteers. On the table were boxes of 00:01:44.879 --> 00:01:49.759 bagels and on the other side was a long 00:01:47.438 --> 00:01:51.438 line of runners waiting to get their 00:01:49.759 --> 00:01:53.519 free bagel. So I said to my friend, 00:01:51.438 --> 00:01:56.319 "Let's let's get a bagel." And he looked 00:01:53.519 --> 00:02:00.959 at me and said, "Uh, the line's too 00:01:56.319 --> 00:02:04.000 long." And I said, "Free bagel?" And he 00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:08.318 said, "I don't want to wait in line." 00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:11.038 And I was like, "Free bagel?" 00:02:08.318 --> 00:02:12.878 And he says, "Nah, let's it's too long." 00:02:11.038 --> 00:02:15.839 And that's when I realized that there's 00:02:12.878 --> 00:02:18.239 two ways to see the world. Some people 00:02:15.840 --> 00:02:20.319 see the thing that they want and some 00:02:18.239 --> 00:02:21.680 people see the thing that prevents them 00:02:20.318 --> 00:02:24.878 from getting the thing that they [music] 00:02:21.680 --> 00:02:28.319 want. I could only see the bagels. He 00:02:24.878 --> 00:02:30.399 could only see the line. And so I walked 00:02:28.318 --> 00:02:34.719 up to the line. 00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:36.480 I leaned in between two people, put my 00:02:34.719 --> 00:02:39.759 hand in the box, and pulled out two 00:02:36.479 --> 00:02:42.079 bagels. And no one get mad at me because 00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:44.799 the rule is you can go after whatever 00:02:42.080 --> 00:02:47.760 you want. You just cannot deny anyone 00:02:44.800 --> 00:02:49.200 else to go after whatever they want. So 00:02:47.759 --> 00:02:51.199 the point is is you don't have to wait 00:02:49.199 --> 00:02:53.199 in line. You don't have to do it the way 00:02:51.199 --> 00:02:55.919 everybody else has done it. You can do 00:02:53.199 --> 00:02:57.280 it your way. You can break the rules. 00:02:55.919 --> 00:02:59.439 You just can't get in the way of 00:02:57.280 --> 00:03:01.759 somebody else getting what they want. 00:02:59.439 --> 00:03:02.959 Rule number two, take care of each 00:03:01.759 --> 00:03:06.000 other. 00:03:02.959 --> 00:03:08.719 The United States Navy Seals are perhaps 00:03:06.000 --> 00:03:14.080 the most elite warriors in the [music] 00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:16.080 world. And one of the SEALs was asked, 00:03:14.080 --> 00:03:20.719 "Who makes it through the selection 00:03:16.080 --> 00:03:23.840 process? Who is able to become a seal?" 00:03:20.719 --> 00:03:25.919 And his answer was, "I can't tell you 00:03:23.840 --> 00:03:27.598 the kind of person [music] that becomes 00:03:25.919 --> 00:03:30.479 a seal. I can't tell you the kind of 00:03:27.598 --> 00:03:32.560 person that makes it through buds, but I 00:03:30.479 --> 00:03:34.479 can tell you the kind of people who 00:03:32.560 --> 00:03:36.318 don't become seals. [music] 00:03:34.479 --> 00:03:38.479 He says, "The guys that show up with 00:03:36.318 --> 00:03:40.560 huge bulging muscles covered [music] in 00:03:38.479 --> 00:03:43.679 tattoos, who want to prove to the world 00:03:40.560 --> 00:03:46.000 how tough they are, none of them make it 00:03:43.680 --> 00:03:47.760 through." He said, "The pining [music] 00:03:46.000 --> 00:03:50.158 leaders who like to delegate all their 00:03:47.759 --> 00:03:52.318 responsibility and never do anything 00:03:50.158 --> 00:03:54.719 themselves, none of them make it 00:03:52.318 --> 00:03:57.199 through." He said the star college 00:03:54.719 --> 00:04:00.799 athletes who've never really been tested 00:03:57.199 --> 00:04:03.199 to the core of their being, none of them 00:04:00.799 --> 00:04:05.519 make it through. He says some of the 00:04:03.199 --> 00:04:08.000 guys that make it through are skinny and 00:04:05.519 --> 00:04:09.680 scrawny. He said some of the guys that 00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:13.519 make it through, you will see them 00:04:09.680 --> 00:04:15.439 shivering out of fear. 00:04:13.519 --> 00:04:18.160 He says, "However, [music] 00:04:15.438 --> 00:04:22.079 all the guys that make it through, when 00:04:18.160 --> 00:04:24.560 they find themselves physically spent, 00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:26.240 emotionally spent, when they have 00:04:24.560 --> 00:04:29.199 nothing left to give, physically or 00:04:26.240 --> 00:04:33.360 emotionally, somehow someway, they are 00:04:29.199 --> 00:04:35.439 able to find the energy to dig down deep 00:04:33.360 --> 00:04:37.919 inside themselves 00:04:35.439 --> 00:04:42.240 to find the energy to help the guy next 00:04:37.918 --> 00:04:44.079 to them. They become seals." He said, 00:04:42.240 --> 00:04:46.240 "You want to be an elite warrior, it's 00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:48.639 not about how tough you are. It's not 00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:50.879 about how smart you are. It's not about 00:04:48.639 --> 00:04:53.040 how fast you are. If you want to be an 00:04:50.879 --> 00:04:55.120 elite warrior, you better get really, 00:04:53.040 --> 00:04:56.960 really good at helping the person to the 00:04:55.120 --> 00:04:59.840 left of you and helping the person to 00:04:56.959 --> 00:05:01.758 the right of you. Cuz that's how people 00:04:59.839 --> 00:05:03.439 advance [music] in the world. The world 00:05:01.759 --> 00:05:04.879 is too dangerous and the world is too 00:05:03.439 --> 00:05:07.279 difficult for you to think that you can 00:05:04.879 --> 00:05:09.199 do these things alone. If you find your 00:05:07.279 --> 00:05:10.879 spark, I commend you. Now, who are you 00:05:09.199 --> 00:05:13.360 going to ask for help? And when are you 00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:15.600 going to accept help when it's offered? 00:05:13.360 --> 00:05:18.479 Learn that skill. 00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:20.320 Learn by practicing helping each other. 00:05:18.478 --> 00:05:22.240 It'll be the single most valuable thing 00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:24.800 you ever learn in your entire [music] 00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:26.639 life. To accept help when it's offered 00:05:24.800 --> 00:05:29.120 and to ask for it when you know that you 00:05:26.639 --> 00:05:30.560 can't do it. The amazing thing is when 00:05:29.120 --> 00:05:32.319 you learn to ask for help, you'll 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:34.000 discover that there are people all 00:05:32.319 --> 00:05:35.599 around you who've always wanted to help 00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:37.199 you. They just didn't think you needed 00:05:35.600 --> 00:05:38.638 it because you kept pretending that you 00:05:37.199 --> 00:05:38.879 had everything under control. 00:05:38.637 --> 00:05:40.959 [music] 00:05:38.879 --> 00:05:44.478 And the minute you say, "I don't know 00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:46.799 what I'm doing. I'm stuck. I'm scared. I 00:05:44.478 --> 00:05:48.800 don't think I can do this." You will 00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:52.000 find that lots of people who love you 00:05:48.800 --> 00:05:53.840 will rush in and take care of you. But 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:56.639 that'll only happen if you learn to take 00:05:53.839 --> 00:06:00.319 care of them first. Lesson three. Nelson 00:05:56.639 --> 00:06:03.199 Mandela is a particularly special case 00:06:00.319 --> 00:06:05.680 study in the leadership world because he 00:06:03.199 --> 00:06:08.160 is universally regarded as a great 00:06:05.680 --> 00:06:10.079 leader. You can take other personalities 00:06:08.160 --> 00:06:11.600 and depending on the nation you go to, 00:06:10.079 --> 00:06:14.000 we have different opinions about other 00:06:11.600 --> 00:06:16.400 personalities. But Nelson Mandela across 00:06:14.000 --> 00:06:19.600 the world is universally regarded as a 00:06:16.399 --> 00:06:22.638 great leader. He was actually the son of 00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:24.160 a tribal chief. And he was asked one 00:06:22.639 --> 00:06:25.918 day, 00:06:24.160 --> 00:06:28.880 "How did you learn to be a great 00:06:25.918 --> 00:06:32.318 leader?" And he responded that he would 00:06:28.879 --> 00:06:34.719 go with his father to tribal meetings. 00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:36.960 And he remembers two things when his 00:06:34.720 --> 00:06:40.240 father would meet with other elders. 00:06:36.959 --> 00:06:44.959 One, they would always sit in a [music] 00:06:40.240 --> 00:06:47.918 circle. And two, his father was always 00:06:44.959 --> 00:06:49.599 the last [music] to speak. You will be 00:06:47.918 --> 00:06:51.918 told your whole life that you need to 00:06:49.600 --> 00:06:54.800 learn to listen. I would say that you 00:06:51.918 --> 00:06:56.560 need to learn to be the last to speak. I 00:06:54.800 --> 00:06:58.079 see it in boardrooms every day of the 00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:59.519 week. Even people who consider 00:06:58.079 --> 00:07:01.279 themselves good leaders, who may 00:06:59.519 --> 00:07:02.959 actually be decent leaders, will walk 00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:04.239 into a room and say, "Here's the 00:07:02.959 --> 00:07:05.519 problem. Here's what I think, but I'm 00:07:04.240 --> 00:07:08.319 interested in your opinion. Let's go 00:07:05.519 --> 00:07:10.560 around the room." It's too late. The 00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:12.800 skill to hold your opinions to yourself 00:07:10.560 --> 00:07:15.680 until everyone has spoken. Does two 00:07:12.800 --> 00:07:18.240 things. One, it gives everybody else the 00:07:15.680 --> 00:07:21.038 feeling that they have been heard. It 00:07:18.240 --> 00:07:24.400 gives everyone else the ability to feel 00:07:21.038 --> 00:07:25.759 that they have contributed. And two, you 00:07:24.399 --> 00:07:27.279 get the benefit of hearing what 00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:30.400 everybody else has to think before you 00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:31.758 render your opinion. The skill is really 00:07:30.399 --> 00:07:33.839 to keep your opinions [music] to 00:07:31.759 --> 00:07:36.639 yourself. If you agree with somebody, 00:07:33.839 --> 00:07:39.839 don't nod yes. If you disagree with 00:07:36.639 --> 00:07:41.280 somebody, don't nod no. Simply sit 00:07:39.839 --> 00:07:43.038 there, take it all in, and the only 00:07:41.279 --> 00:07:45.598 thing you're allowed to do is ask 00:07:43.038 --> 00:07:47.680 questions so that you can understand 00:07:45.598 --> 00:07:49.439 what they mean and why they have the 00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:52.959 opinion that they have. [music] You must 00:07:49.439 --> 00:07:55.519 understand from where they are speaking, 00:07:52.959 --> 00:07:58.318 why they have the opinion they have, not 00:07:55.519 --> 00:08:01.758 just what they are saying. And at the 00:07:58.319 --> 00:08:05.759 end, you will get your turn. 00:08:01.759 --> 00:08:08.240 It sounds easy. It's not. Practice being 00:08:05.759 --> 00:08:12.960 the last to speak. That's what Nelson 00:08:08.240 --> 00:08:14.879 Mandela did. Lesson four. In the 18th 00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:17.758 century, 00:08:14.879 --> 00:08:19.039 there was something that spread across 00:08:17.759 --> 00:08:21.919 Europe and eventually made its way to 00:08:19.038 --> 00:08:24.159 America called purple fever, 00:08:21.918 --> 00:08:25.839 also known as the black death of 00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:28.400 childbed. 00:08:25.839 --> 00:08:31.679 Basically, what was happening is women 00:08:28.399 --> 00:08:35.278 were giving birth and they would die 00:08:31.680 --> 00:08:38.240 within 48 hours after giving birth. This 00:08:35.278 --> 00:08:41.120 black death of childbirth was the ravage 00:08:38.240 --> 00:08:44.560 of Europe and it got worse and worse and 00:08:41.120 --> 00:08:47.440 worse over the course of over a century. 00:08:44.559 --> 00:08:50.958 In [snorts] some hospitals, it was as 00:08:47.440 --> 00:08:53.760 high as 70% of women who gave birth who 00:08:50.958 --> 00:08:56.239 would die as a result of giving birth. 00:08:53.759 --> 00:08:59.439 But this was the Renaissance. This was 00:08:56.240 --> 00:09:01.440 the time of empirical data and science. 00:08:59.440 --> 00:09:03.600 And we had thrown away things like 00:09:01.440 --> 00:09:06.399 tradition and mysticism. These were men 00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:08.639 of science. These were doctors and these 00:09:06.399 --> 00:09:10.799 doctors and men of science wanted to 00:09:08.639 --> 00:09:13.199 study and try and find the reason for 00:09:10.799 --> 00:09:15.359 this black death of childbed. And so 00:09:13.200 --> 00:09:19.040 they got to work studying and they would 00:09:15.360 --> 00:09:21.120 study the corpses uh of the of the women 00:09:19.039 --> 00:09:23.759 who had died and in the morning they 00:09:21.120 --> 00:09:24.959 would conduct autopsies and then in the 00:09:23.759 --> 00:09:27.838 afternoon they would go and deliver 00:09:24.958 --> 00:09:30.559 babies and finish their rounds. And it 00:09:27.839 --> 00:09:34.560 wasn't until somewhere in the mid 1800s 00:09:30.559 --> 00:09:35.838 that Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes realized 00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:38.000 that all of these doctors who were 00:09:35.839 --> 00:09:40.640 conducting autopsies in the morning 00:09:38.000 --> 00:09:43.919 weren't washing their hands before they 00:09:40.639 --> 00:09:47.039 delivered babies in the afternoon. 00:09:43.919 --> 00:09:49.278 And he pointed it out and said, "Guys, 00:09:47.039 --> 00:09:51.360 you're the problem." 00:09:49.278 --> 00:09:55.120 And they ignored him and called him 00:09:51.360 --> 00:09:57.680 crazy for 30 years 00:09:55.120 --> 00:10:00.959 until finally somebody realized [music] 00:09:57.679 --> 00:10:03.260 that if they simply washed their hands, 00:10:00.958 --> 00:10:05.119 it would go away. And that's exactly 00:10:03.260 --> 00:10:06.639 [music] what happened. When they started 00:10:05.120 --> 00:10:08.480 sterilizing their instruments and 00:10:06.639 --> 00:10:11.360 washing their hands, the black death of 00:10:08.480 --> 00:10:14.720 childbed disappeared. 00:10:11.360 --> 00:10:17.839 The lesson here is sometimes you're the 00:10:14.720 --> 00:10:20.480 problem. And my point is is take 00:10:17.839 --> 00:10:22.480 accountability for your actions. You can 00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:25.360 take all the credit in the world for the 00:10:22.480 --> 00:10:27.680 things that you do right as long as you 00:10:25.360 --> 00:10:29.759 also take responsibility for the things 00:10:27.679 --> 00:10:32.078 you do wrong. It must be a balanced 00:10:29.759 --> 00:10:34.799 equation. You don't get it one way and 00:10:32.078 --> 00:10:36.159 not the other. You get to take credit 00:10:34.799 --> 00:10:38.559 when you also [music] take 00:10:36.159 --> 00:10:41.199 accountability. True story. 00:10:38.559 --> 00:10:43.518 There was a former under secretary of 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:44.800 defense who was invited to give a speech 00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:47.679 at a large conference [music] about a 00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:50.559 thousand people and he was standing on 00:10:47.679 --> 00:10:53.039 the stage with his cup of coffee and a 00:10:50.559 --> 00:10:54.958 styrofoam cup and he took a sip of his 00:10:53.039 --> 00:10:57.360 coffee and he smiled and he looked down 00:10:54.958 --> 00:11:00.239 at the coffee and then he went off 00:10:57.360 --> 00:11:03.278 script and he said, "You know, last year 00:11:00.240 --> 00:11:04.879 I spoke at this exact same conference. 00:11:03.278 --> 00:11:08.078 Last year I was still the under 00:11:04.879 --> 00:11:10.559 secretary and when I spoke here last 00:11:08.078 --> 00:11:12.879 year they flew me here business class 00:11:10.559 --> 00:11:14.399 and when I arrived at the airport there 00:11:12.879 --> 00:11:16.958 was somebody waiting for me to take me 00:11:14.399 --> 00:11:18.480 to my hotel and they took me to my hotel 00:11:16.958 --> 00:11:20.719 and they had already checked me in and 00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:22.879 they just took me up to my room and the 00:11:20.720 --> 00:11:24.399 next morning I came downstairs and there 00:11:22.879 --> 00:11:26.559 was someone waiting in the lobby to 00:11:24.399 --> 00:11:29.519 greet me and they drove me to this here 00:11:26.559 --> 00:11:33.518 same venue and handed me a coffee cup of 00:11:29.519 --> 00:11:34.799 coffee in a beautiful ceramic up. He 00:11:33.519 --> 00:11:38.000 says, "I'm no longer the under 00:11:34.799 --> 00:11:39.838 secretary. I flew here, coach. I took a 00:11:38.000 --> 00:11:42.559 taxi to my hotel and I checked myself 00:11:39.839 --> 00:11:44.880 in. When I came down the lobby this 00:11:42.559 --> 00:11:47.599 morning, I took another taxi to this 00:11:44.879 --> 00:11:50.159 venue. I came in the front door and 00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:52.480 found my way backstage. And when I asked 00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:54.078 someone, "Do you have any coffee?" He 00:11:52.480 --> 00:11:56.240 pointed to the coffee machine in the 00:11:54.078 --> 00:12:00.639 corner and I poured myself a cup of 00:11:56.240 --> 00:12:03.680 coffee into this here styrofoam cup. He 00:12:00.639 --> 00:12:06.240 says, "The lesson is the ceramic cup was 00:12:03.679 --> 00:12:10.078 never meant for me. It was meant for the 00:12:06.240 --> 00:12:11.759 position I held. I deserve a styrofoam 00:12:10.078 --> 00:12:15.359 cup." 00:12:11.759 --> 00:12:18.000 Remember this. As you gain fame, [music] 00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:20.240 as you gain fortune, as you gain 00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:22.480 position and seniority, people will 00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:24.720 treat you better. They will hold doors 00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:26.879 open for you. They will get you a cup of 00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:28.800 tea and coffee without you even asking. 00:12:26.879 --> 00:12:30.879 They will call you sir and ma'am and 00:12:28.799 --> 00:12:33.679 they will give you [music] stuff. None 00:12:30.879 --> 00:12:34.958 of that stuff is meant for you. That 00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:37.679 stuff is [music] meant for the position 00:12:34.958 --> 00:12:40.638 you hold. It is meant for the level that 00:12:37.679 --> 00:12:43.039 you have achieved of leader or success 00:12:40.639 --> 00:12:46.639 or whatever you want to call it. But you 00:12:43.039 --> 00:12:48.319 will always [music] deserve a styrofoam 00:12:46.639 --> 00:12:51.039 cup. 00:12:48.320 --> 00:12:53.600 Remember that. Remember that lesson of 00:12:51.039 --> 00:12:55.519 humility and gratitude. You can accept 00:12:53.600 --> 00:12:58.000 all the free stuff. You can accept all 00:12:55.519 --> 00:13:00.320 the perks. Absolutely. You can enjoy 00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:02.559 them, but just be grateful for them and 00:13:00.320 --> 00:13:05.278 know that they're not for you. We're 00:13:02.559 --> 00:13:07.679 asking our youngest generation to work 00:13:05.278 --> 00:13:09.838 and succeed and find themselves and 00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:12.000 build their confidence and overcome 00:13:09.839 --> 00:13:13.760 their addiction to technology and build 00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:15.039 strong relationships at work. We're 00:13:13.759 --> 00:13:17.600 asking to do this and these are the 00:13:15.039 --> 00:13:19.039 environments we've created. We keep 00:13:17.600 --> 00:13:22.399 saying to them, you're the future 00:13:19.039 --> 00:13:24.319 leaders. We're the leaders now. We're in 00:13:22.399 --> 00:13:26.799 control. 00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:29.600 what are we doing? 00:13:26.799 --> 00:13:32.559 This is what empathy means. It means if 00:13:29.600 --> 00:13:34.879 there's an entire generation struggling, 00:13:32.559 --> 00:13:37.119 maybe it's not them. It's like, you 00:13:34.879 --> 00:13:38.480 know, the only thing that I that um the 00:13:37.120 --> 00:13:42.639 common factor in all my failed 00:13:38.480 --> 00:13:44.079 relationships, me. Same thing. Well, we 00:13:42.639 --> 00:13:45.680 just can't get the right, you know, the 00:13:44.078 --> 00:13:47.759 right performance out of our people. 00:13:45.679 --> 00:13:50.399 Maybe it's you, 00:13:47.759 --> 00:13:52.799 right? It's not a generation. It's not 00:13:50.399 --> 00:13:54.879 them. They're not difficult or hard to 00:13:52.799 --> 00:13:57.359 understand. They're human beings like 00:13:54.879 --> 00:13:59.439 the rest of us trying to find their way, 00:13:57.360 --> 00:14:02.159 trying to work in a place where they 00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:04.639 feel that someone cares about them as a 00:14:02.159 --> 00:14:07.838 human being. By the way, that's what we 00:14:04.639 --> 00:14:09.600 all want. In other words, it's not even 00:14:07.839 --> 00:14:12.240 generational. 00:14:09.600 --> 00:14:14.159 It's all of us. This is the practice of 00:14:12.240 --> 00:14:15.919 empathy that if we're struggling to 00:14:14.159 --> 00:14:17.919 communicate to someone, if we're 00:14:15.919 --> 00:14:20.078 struggling to help someone be at their 00:14:17.919 --> 00:14:21.599 natural best, I'm tired of people saying 00:14:20.078 --> 00:14:22.719 to me, "How do I get the best out of my 00:14:21.600 --> 00:14:23.920 people? Really, that's what you want? 00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:25.759 They're like a towel. You just ring 00:14:23.919 --> 00:14:27.439 them. How can I get the most out of 00:14:25.759 --> 00:14:29.360 them?" 00:14:27.440 --> 00:14:31.279 No. How do I help my people be at their 00:14:29.360 --> 00:14:32.879 natural best? 00:14:31.278 --> 00:14:34.639 Right? We're not asking these questions. 00:14:32.879 --> 00:14:36.720 We are not practicing empathy. We have 00:14:34.639 --> 00:14:38.159 to start by practicing empathy and 00:14:36.720 --> 00:14:39.920 relate to what they may be going 00:14:38.159 --> 00:14:41.278 through. And it will profoundly change 00:14:39.919 --> 00:14:44.000 the decisions we make. It will 00:14:41.278 --> 00:14:46.559 profoundly change the way we see the 00:14:44.000 --> 00:14:48.240 world. We're growing up in a Facebook 00:14:46.559 --> 00:14:49.919 Instagram world. In other words, we're 00:14:48.240 --> 00:14:51.759 good at putting filters on things. We're 00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:54.078 good at showing people that life is 00:14:51.759 --> 00:14:56.799 amazing even though I'm depressed, 00:14:54.078 --> 00:14:58.078 right? And so, everybody sounds tough 00:14:56.799 --> 00:14:59.519 and everybody sounds like they got it 00:14:58.078 --> 00:15:01.039 all figured out. And the reality is 00:14:59.519 --> 00:15:02.399 there's very little toughness and most 00:15:01.039 --> 00:15:04.000 people don't have it figured out. And 00:15:02.399 --> 00:15:05.278 so, when the more senior people say, 00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:07.679 "Well, what should we do?" They sound 00:15:05.278 --> 00:15:09.360 like, "This is what you got to do." and 00:15:07.679 --> 00:15:10.879 they have no clue. So, you have an 00:15:09.360 --> 00:15:11.779 entire generation growing up with lower 00:15:10.879 --> 00:15:12.480 self-esteem than previous generations, 00:15:11.779 --> 00:15:15.838 [music] 00:15:12.480 --> 00:15:18.879 right? We know that engagement with 00:15:15.839 --> 00:15:20.800 social media and our cell phones 00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:22.720 releases a chemical called dopamine. 00:15:20.799 --> 00:15:24.719 That's why when you get a text feels 00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:26.399 good, right? It's why we count the 00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:29.040 likes. It's why we [music] go back 10 00:15:26.399 --> 00:15:30.879 times to see if and if it's going if our 00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:32.559 my Instagram is growing slower, I would 00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:34.480 I did I do something wrong? Do they not 00:15:32.559 --> 00:15:37.278 like me anymore? Right? the the trauma 00:15:34.480 --> 00:15:39.759 for young kids to be unfriended, right? 00:15:37.278 --> 00:15:40.799 Dopamine is the exact same chemical that 00:15:39.759 --> 00:15:43.039 makes us feel good when [music] we 00:15:40.799 --> 00:15:45.759 smoke, when we drink, and when we 00:15:43.039 --> 00:15:48.078 gamble. In other words, it's highly, 00:15:45.759 --> 00:15:49.360 highly addictive. That's basically what 00:15:48.078 --> 00:15:51.278 happened. You have an entire generation 00:15:49.360 --> 00:15:53.039 that has [music] access to an addictive 00:15:51.278 --> 00:15:54.345 numbing 00:15:53.039 --> 00:15:55.439 chemical called dopamine through social 00:15:54.345 --> 00:15:57.120 [music] media and cell phones as they're 00:15:55.440 --> 00:15:58.800 going through the high stress of 00:15:57.120 --> 00:16:00.399 adolescence. Why is this important? 00:15:58.799 --> 00:16:02.399 What's happening is because we're 00:16:00.399 --> 00:16:04.078 allowing unfettered access to these 00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:06.078 dopamine producing devices [music] 00:16:04.078 --> 00:16:07.439 and media basically it's becoming 00:16:06.078 --> 00:16:09.599 hardwired and what we're seeing is as 00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:11.839 they grow older they too many [music] 00:16:09.600 --> 00:16:14.159 kids don't know how to form deep 00:16:11.839 --> 00:16:16.000 meaningful relationships their words not 00:16:14.159 --> 00:16:17.679 mine they will admit [music] that many 00:16:16.000 --> 00:16:19.839 of their friendships are superficial 00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:21.439 they will admit that their friends that 00:16:19.839 --> 00:16:22.399 they don't count on their friends they 00:16:21.440 --> 00:16:24.399 don't rely on [music] their friends they 00:16:22.399 --> 00:16:25.600 have fun with their friends but they 00:16:24.399 --> 00:16:27.360 also know that their friends will cancel 00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:28.720 on them as something better comes along 00:16:27.360 --> 00:16:30.480 deep meaningful relationships are not 00:16:28.720 --> 00:16:32.560 there because they never practice the 00:16:30.480 --> 00:16:33.839 skill set and worse they don't have the 00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:35.838 coping mechanisms to deal [music] with 00:16:33.839 --> 00:16:37.279 stress. So when significant stress 00:16:35.839 --> 00:16:39.199 starts to show up in their lives, 00:16:37.278 --> 00:16:41.198 they're not turning to a person. They're 00:16:39.198 --> 00:16:42.879 turning to a device. They're turning to 00:16:41.198 --> 00:16:44.319 social media. They're turning to [music] 00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:46.399 these things which offer temporary 00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:47.839 relief. I believe loving your work is a 00:16:46.399 --> 00:16:50.639 right and not a privilege. [music] I 00:16:47.839 --> 00:16:52.641 despise the fact, I lament the fact, I 00:16:50.639 --> 00:16:54.639 curse the fact that so few people 00:16:52.640 --> 00:16:56.159 [music] get to say, "I love my job." as 00:16:54.639 --> 00:16:57.039 if they've won some lottery. You know, 00:16:56.159 --> 00:16:58.078 you go out with your friends and 00:16:57.039 --> 00:16:59.120 somebody says, "I love my job." And 00:16:58.078 --> 00:17:01.679 everybody goes, "Oh my god, you're so 00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:04.318 lucky." Right? That to me is madness. 00:17:01.679 --> 00:17:06.000 Everybody, the vast majority should get 00:17:04.318 --> 00:17:08.318 to wake up and say, [music] "I love my 00:17:06.000 --> 00:17:10.640 job." It is a right. It is a God-given 00:17:08.318 --> 00:17:11.918 right that we should love where we work. 00:17:10.640 --> 00:17:14.240 And we should demand it. We should 00:17:11.919 --> 00:17:15.759 demand that our leaders provide an 00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:17.359 environment in which we want to come, 00:17:15.759 --> 00:17:18.959 where we want to care about about each 00:17:17.359 --> 00:17:20.479 other, where we feel [music] safe to 00:17:18.959 --> 00:17:22.558 express our vulnerabilities and our 00:17:20.480 --> 00:17:24.160 fears and our concerns. That we're open 00:17:22.558 --> 00:17:26.558 to correction and discipline and [music] 00:17:24.160 --> 00:17:28.079 feedback. that we're not defensive 00:17:26.558 --> 00:17:29.839 because we know that it's being given to 00:17:28.078 --> 00:17:32.399 help us improve and grow. And we want to 00:17:29.839 --> 00:17:33.839 improve and grow. Um, and in turn, we 00:17:32.400 --> 00:17:36.000 will help others improve and grow 00:17:33.839 --> 00:17:38.079 because when we feel [music] safe, when 00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:41.839 we feel 00:17:38.079 --> 00:17:45.918 that our leaders care more about us than 00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:50.159 a number, they care more about our lives 00:17:45.919 --> 00:17:52.880 and our confidence and our joy and our 00:17:50.160 --> 00:17:54.160 skill set more than some short-term 00:17:52.880 --> 00:17:56.000 gain. [music] that they care more about 00:17:54.160 --> 00:17:57.440 our priorities than the priorities of 00:17:56.000 --> 00:17:59.119 some disinterested external 00:17:57.440 --> 00:18:00.880 constituency. 00:17:59.119 --> 00:18:02.479 Then we will respond in kind and we will 00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:04.559 offer our blood and our sweat and our 00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:07.279 tears and we will make sacrifices of all 00:18:04.558 --> 00:18:09.038 kinds to see that our leader vision is 00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:11.038 advanced and that this company continues 00:18:09.038 --> 00:18:13.359 to [music] thrive not for them for 00:18:11.038 --> 00:18:14.879 ourselves. It becomes deeply personal 00:18:13.359 --> 00:18:17.038 and becomes something we love 00:18:14.880 --> 00:18:19.039 contributing to. I talk about it all the 00:18:17.038 --> 00:18:20.720 time. Working hard for something we 00:18:19.038 --> 00:18:23.038 don't care about is called [music] 00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:27.079 stress. Working hard for something we 00:18:23.038 --> 00:18:27.079 love is called passion.