There's two ways to see the world. Some
people see the thing that they want and
some people see the thing that prevents
them from getting the thing that they
want.
There's there's [music] a great story of
two two lumberjacks where every morning
they start chopping wood at the same
time and every day they stop chopping
wood at the same time [music] and every
day one of the lumberjacks disappears
for about an hour in the middle of the
day and every day he chops more wood
than the other guy. [music] And this
goes on for months. And eventually the
one who works all day, he says, "I don't
understand. Every day we start at the
same time. Every day we stop at the same
time. Every day you disappear for about
an hour in the middle of the day. And
every day you chop more wood than me.
Where do you go for that hour?" And the
other lumberjack looks up and goes, "Oh,
go home and sharpen my axe." You know
that that if you if you if you take an
infinite mindset, it's not about how
much you can get done each day. It's how
much you can get done over the course of
a career or over the course of a
lifetime. And [music] and you you got to
take vacations, which means you turn off
your email and you turn off your phone
and you do not connect to the office.
[music] You know, go sharpen your axe. I
have five little rules that you can
follow as you find your spark and bring
your spark [music] to life. The first is
to go after the things that you want.
Let me tell you a story. So, a friend of
mine and I, we went for a run in Central
Park. The Roadrunners organization, uh,
on the weekends, they host [music]
races, and it's very common at the end
of the race, they'll have a sponsor who
will give away something, apples or
bagels or something. And on this
particular day, when we got to the end
of the run, there were some free [music]
bagels. And they had picnic tables set
up and on one side was a group of
volunteers. On the table were boxes of
bagels and on the other side was a long
line of runners waiting to get their
free bagel. So I said to my friend,
"Let's let's get a bagel." And he looked
at me and said, "Uh, the line's too
long." And I said, "Free bagel?" And he
said, "I don't want to wait in line."
And I was like, "Free bagel?"
And he says, "Nah, let's it's too long."
And that's when I realized that there's
two ways to see the world. Some people
see the thing that they want and some
people see the thing that prevents them
from getting the thing that they [music]
want. I could only see the bagels. He
could only see the line. And so I walked
up to the line.
I leaned in between two people, put my
hand in the box, and pulled out two
bagels. And no one get mad at me because
the rule is you can go after whatever
you want. You just cannot deny anyone
else to go after whatever they want. So
the point is is you don't have to wait
in line. You don't have to do it the way
everybody else has done it. You can do
it your way. You can break the rules.
You just can't get in the way of
somebody else getting what they want.
Rule number two, take care of each
other.
The United States Navy Seals are perhaps
the most elite warriors in the [music]
world. And one of the SEALs was asked,
"Who makes it through the selection
process? Who is able to become a seal?"
And his answer was, "I can't tell you
the kind of person [music] that becomes
a seal. I can't tell you the kind of
person that makes it through buds, but I
can tell you the kind of people who
don't become seals. [music]
He says, "The guys that show up with
huge bulging muscles covered [music] in
tattoos, who want to prove to the world
how tough they are, none of them make it
through." He said, "The pining [music]
leaders who like to delegate all their
responsibility and never do anything
themselves, none of them make it
through." He said the star college
athletes who've never really been tested
to the core of their being, none of them
make it through. He says some of the
guys that make it through are skinny and
scrawny. He said some of the guys that
make it through, you will see them
shivering out of fear.
He says, "However, [music]
all the guys that make it through, when
they find themselves physically spent,
emotionally spent, when they have
nothing left to give, physically or
emotionally, somehow someway, they are
able to find the energy to dig down deep
inside themselves
to find the energy to help the guy next
to them. They become seals." He said,
"You want to be an elite warrior, it's
not about how tough you are. It's not
about how smart you are. It's not about
how fast you are. If you want to be an
elite warrior, you better get really,
really good at helping the person to the
left of you and helping the person to
the right of you. Cuz that's how people
advance [music] in the world. The world
is too dangerous and the world is too
difficult for you to think that you can
do these things alone. If you find your
spark, I commend you. Now, who are you
going to ask for help? And when are you
going to accept help when it's offered?
Learn that skill.
Learn by practicing helping each other.
It'll be the single most valuable thing
you ever learn in your entire [music]
life. To accept help when it's offered
and to ask for it when you know that you
can't do it. The amazing thing is when
you learn to ask for help, you'll
discover that there are people all
around you who've always wanted to help
you. They just didn't think you needed
it because you kept pretending that you
had everything under control.
[music]
And the minute you say, "I don't know
what I'm doing. I'm stuck. I'm scared. I
don't think I can do this." You will
find that lots of people who love you
will rush in and take care of you. But
that'll only happen if you learn to take
care of them first. Lesson three. Nelson
Mandela is a particularly special case
study in the leadership world because he
is universally regarded as a great
leader. You can take other personalities
and depending on the nation you go to,
we have different opinions about other
personalities. But Nelson Mandela across
the world is universally regarded as a
great leader. He was actually the son of
a tribal chief. And he was asked one
day,
"How did you learn to be a great
leader?" And he responded that he would
go with his father to tribal meetings.
And he remembers two things when his
father would meet with other elders.
One, they would always sit in a [music]
circle. And two, his father was always
the last [music] to speak. You will be
told your whole life that you need to
learn to listen. I would say that you
need to learn to be the last to speak. I
see it in boardrooms every day of the
week. Even people who consider
themselves good leaders, who may
actually be decent leaders, will walk
into a room and say, "Here's the
problem. Here's what I think, but I'm
interested in your opinion. Let's go
around the room." It's too late. The
skill to hold your opinions to yourself
until everyone has spoken. Does two
things. One, it gives everybody else the
feeling that they have been heard. It
gives everyone else the ability to feel
that they have contributed. And two, you
get the benefit of hearing what
everybody else has to think before you
render your opinion. The skill is really
to keep your opinions [music] to
yourself. If you agree with somebody,
don't nod yes. If you disagree with
somebody, don't nod no. Simply sit
there, take it all in, and the only
thing you're allowed to do is ask
questions so that you can understand
what they mean and why they have the
opinion that they have. [music] You must
understand from where they are speaking,
why they have the opinion they have, not
just what they are saying. And at the
end, you will get your turn.
It sounds easy. It's not. Practice being
the last to speak. That's what Nelson
Mandela did. Lesson four. In the 18th
century,
there was something that spread across
Europe and eventually made its way to
America called purple fever,
also known as the black death of
childbed.
Basically, what was happening is women
were giving birth and they would die
within 48 hours after giving birth. This
black death of childbirth was the ravage
of Europe and it got worse and worse and
worse over the course of over a century.
In [snorts] some hospitals, it was as
high as 70% of women who gave birth who
would die as a result of giving birth.
But this was the Renaissance. This was
the time of empirical data and science.
And we had thrown away things like
tradition and mysticism. These were men
of science. These were doctors and these
doctors and men of science wanted to
study and try and find the reason for
this black death of childbed. And so
they got to work studying and they would
study the corpses uh of the of the women
who had died and in the morning they
would conduct autopsies and then in the
afternoon they would go and deliver
babies and finish their rounds. And it
wasn't until somewhere in the mid 1800s
that Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes realized
that all of these doctors who were
conducting autopsies in the morning
weren't washing their hands before they
delivered babies in the afternoon.
And he pointed it out and said, "Guys,
you're the problem."
And they ignored him and called him
crazy for 30 years
until finally somebody realized [music]
that if they simply washed their hands,
it would go away. And that's exactly
[music] what happened. When they started
sterilizing their instruments and
washing their hands, the black death of
childbed disappeared.
The lesson here is sometimes you're the
problem. And my point is is take
accountability for your actions. You can
take all the credit in the world for the
things that you do right as long as you
also take responsibility for the things
you do wrong. It must be a balanced
equation. You don't get it one way and
not the other. You get to take credit
when you also [music] take
accountability. True story.
There was a former under secretary of
defense who was invited to give a speech
at a large conference [music] about a
thousand people and he was standing on
the stage with his cup of coffee and a
styrofoam cup and he took a sip of his
coffee and he smiled and he looked down
at the coffee and then he went off
script and he said, "You know, last year
I spoke at this exact same conference.
Last year I was still the under
secretary and when I spoke here last
year they flew me here business class
and when I arrived at the airport there
was somebody waiting for me to take me
to my hotel and they took me to my hotel
and they had already checked me in and
they just took me up to my room and the
next morning I came downstairs and there
was someone waiting in the lobby to
greet me and they drove me to this here
same venue and handed me a coffee cup of
coffee in a beautiful ceramic up. He
says, "I'm no longer the under
secretary. I flew here, coach. I took a
taxi to my hotel and I checked myself
in. When I came down the lobby this
morning, I took another taxi to this
venue. I came in the front door and
found my way backstage. And when I asked
someone, "Do you have any coffee?" He
pointed to the coffee machine in the
corner and I poured myself a cup of
coffee into this here styrofoam cup. He
says, "The lesson is the ceramic cup was
never meant for me. It was meant for the
position I held. I deserve a styrofoam
cup."
Remember this. As you gain fame, [music]
as you gain fortune, as you gain
position and seniority, people will
treat you better. They will hold doors
open for you. They will get you a cup of
tea and coffee without you even asking.
They will call you sir and ma'am and
they will give you [music] stuff. None
of that stuff is meant for you. That
stuff is [music] meant for the position
you hold. It is meant for the level that
you have achieved of leader or success
or whatever you want to call it. But you
will always [music] deserve a styrofoam
cup.
Remember that. Remember that lesson of
humility and gratitude. You can accept
all the free stuff. You can accept all
the perks. Absolutely. You can enjoy
them, but just be grateful for them and
know that they're not for you. We're
asking our youngest generation to work
and succeed and find themselves and
build their confidence and overcome
their addiction to technology and build
strong relationships at work. We're
asking to do this and these are the
environments we've created. We keep
saying to them, you're the future
leaders. We're the leaders now. We're in
control.
what are we doing?
This is what empathy means. It means if
there's an entire generation struggling,
maybe it's not them. It's like, you
know, the only thing that I that um the
common factor in all my failed
relationships, me. Same thing. Well, we
just can't get the right, you know, the
right performance out of our people.
Maybe it's you,
right? It's not a generation. It's not
them. They're not difficult or hard to
understand. They're human beings like
the rest of us trying to find their way,
trying to work in a place where they
feel that someone cares about them as a
human being. By the way, that's what we
all want. In other words, it's not even
generational.
It's all of us. This is the practice of
empathy that if we're struggling to
communicate to someone, if we're
struggling to help someone be at their
natural best, I'm tired of people saying
to me, "How do I get the best out of my
people? Really, that's what you want?
They're like a towel. You just ring
them. How can I get the most out of
them?"
No. How do I help my people be at their
natural best?
Right? We're not asking these questions.
We are not practicing empathy. We have
to start by practicing empathy and
relate to what they may be going
through. And it will profoundly change
the decisions we make. It will
profoundly change the way we see the
world. We're growing up in a Facebook
Instagram world. In other words, we're
good at putting filters on things. We're
good at showing people that life is
amazing even though I'm depressed,
right? And so, everybody sounds tough
and everybody sounds like they got it
all figured out. And the reality is
there's very little toughness and most
people don't have it figured out. And
so, when the more senior people say,
"Well, what should we do?" They sound
like, "This is what you got to do." and
they have no clue. So, you have an
entire generation growing up with lower
self-esteem than previous generations,
[music]
right? We know that engagement with
social media and our cell phones
releases a chemical called dopamine.
That's why when you get a text feels
good, right? It's why we count the
likes. It's why we [music] go back 10
times to see if and if it's going if our
my Instagram is growing slower, I would
I did I do something wrong? Do they not
like me anymore? Right? the the trauma
for young kids to be unfriended, right?
Dopamine is the exact same chemical that
makes us feel good when [music] we
smoke, when we drink, and when we
gamble. In other words, it's highly,
highly addictive. That's basically what
happened. You have an entire generation
that has [music] access to an addictive
numbing
chemical called dopamine through social
[music] media and cell phones as they're
going through the high stress of
adolescence. Why is this important?
What's happening is because we're
allowing unfettered access to these
dopamine producing devices [music]
and media basically it's becoming
hardwired and what we're seeing is as
they grow older they too many [music]
kids don't know how to form deep
meaningful relationships their words not
mine they will admit [music] that many
of their friendships are superficial
they will admit that their friends that
they don't count on their friends they
don't rely on [music] their friends they
have fun with their friends but they
also know that their friends will cancel
on them as something better comes along
deep meaningful relationships are not
there because they never practice the
skill set and worse they don't have the
coping mechanisms to deal [music] with
stress. So when significant stress
starts to show up in their lives,
they're not turning to a person. They're
turning to a device. They're turning to
social media. They're turning to [music]
these things which offer temporary
relief. I believe loving your work is a
right and not a privilege. [music] I
despise the fact, I lament the fact, I
curse the fact that so few people
[music] get to say, "I love my job." as
if they've won some lottery. You know,
you go out with your friends and
somebody says, "I love my job." And
everybody goes, "Oh my god, you're so
lucky." Right? That to me is madness.
Everybody, the vast majority should get
to wake up and say, [music] "I love my
job." It is a right. It is a God-given
right that we should love where we work.
And we should demand it. We should
demand that our leaders provide an
environment in which we want to come,
where we want to care about about each
other, where we feel [music] safe to
express our vulnerabilities and our
fears and our concerns. That we're open
to correction and discipline and [music]
feedback. that we're not defensive
because we know that it's being given to
help us improve and grow. And we want to
improve and grow. Um, and in turn, we
will help others improve and grow
because when we feel [music] safe, when
we feel
that our leaders care more about us than
a number, they care more about our lives
and our confidence and our joy and our
skill set more than some short-term
gain. [music] that they care more about
our priorities than the priorities of
some disinterested external
constituency.
Then we will respond in kind and we will
offer our blood and our sweat and our
tears and we will make sacrifices of all
kinds to see that our leader vision is
advanced and that this company continues
to [music] thrive not for them for
ourselves. It becomes deeply personal
and becomes something we love
contributing to. I talk about it all the
time. Working hard for something we
don't care about is called [music]
stress. Working hard for something we
love is called passion.