[00:00] There's two ways to see the world. Some
[00:02] people see the thing that they want and
[00:05] some people see the thing that prevents
[00:07] them from getting the thing that they
[00:09] want.
[00:12] There's there's [music] a great story of
[00:13] two two lumberjacks where every morning
[00:15] they start chopping wood at the same
[00:17] time and every day they stop chopping
[00:18] wood at the same time [music] and every
[00:20] day one of the lumberjacks disappears
[00:21] for about an hour in the middle of the
[00:23] day and every day he chops more wood
[00:25] than the other guy. [music] And this
[00:26] goes on for months. And eventually the
[00:28] one who works all day, he says, "I don't
[00:30] understand. Every day we start at the
[00:32] same time. Every day we stop at the same
[00:34] time. Every day you disappear for about
[00:37] an hour in the middle of the day. And
[00:38] every day you chop more wood than me.
[00:41] Where do you go for that hour?" And the
[00:43] other lumberjack looks up and goes, "Oh,
[00:45] go home and sharpen my axe." You know
[00:48] that that if you if you if you take an
[00:49] infinite mindset, it's not about how
[00:51] much you can get done each day. It's how
[00:53] much you can get done over the course of
[00:54] a career or over the course of a
[00:55] lifetime. And [music] and you you got to
[00:58] take vacations, which means you turn off
[01:00] your email and you turn off your phone
[01:02] and you do not connect to the office.
[01:03] [music] You know, go sharpen your axe. I
[01:06] have five little rules that you can
[01:07] follow as you find your spark and bring
[01:10] your spark [music] to life. The first is
[01:13] to go after the things that you want.
[01:15] Let me tell you a story. So, a friend of
[01:18] mine and I, we went for a run in Central
[01:20] Park. The Roadrunners organization, uh,
[01:23] on the weekends, they host [music]
[01:25] races, and it's very common at the end
[01:27] of the race, they'll have a sponsor who
[01:28] will give away something, apples or
[01:31] bagels or something. And on this
[01:33] particular day, when we got to the end
[01:34] of the run, there were some free [music]
[01:37] bagels. And they had picnic tables set
[01:40] up and on one side was a group of
[01:42] volunteers. On the table were boxes of
[01:44] bagels and on the other side was a long
[01:47] line of runners waiting to get their
[01:49] free bagel. So I said to my friend,
[01:51] "Let's let's get a bagel." And he looked
[01:53] at me and said, "Uh, the line's too
[01:56] long." And I said, "Free bagel?" And he
[02:00] said, "I don't want to wait in line."
[02:04] And I was like, "Free bagel?"
[02:08] And he says, "Nah, let's it's too long."
[02:11] And that's when I realized that there's
[02:12] two ways to see the world. Some people
[02:15] see the thing that they want and some
[02:18] people see the thing that prevents them
[02:20] from getting the thing that they [music]
[02:21] want. I could only see the bagels. He
[02:24] could only see the line. And so I walked
[02:28] up to the line.
[02:30] I leaned in between two people, put my
[02:34] hand in the box, and pulled out two
[02:36] bagels. And no one get mad at me because
[02:39] the rule is you can go after whatever
[02:42] you want. You just cannot deny anyone
[02:44] else to go after whatever they want. So
[02:47] the point is is you don't have to wait
[02:49] in line. You don't have to do it the way
[02:51] everybody else has done it. You can do
[02:53] it your way. You can break the rules.
[02:55] You just can't get in the way of
[02:57] somebody else getting what they want.
[02:59] Rule number two, take care of each
[03:01] other.
[03:02] The United States Navy Seals are perhaps
[03:06] the most elite warriors in the [music]
[03:08] world. And one of the SEALs was asked,
[03:14] "Who makes it through the selection
[03:16] process? Who is able to become a seal?"
[03:20] And his answer was, "I can't tell you
[03:23] the kind of person [music] that becomes
[03:25] a seal. I can't tell you the kind of
[03:27] person that makes it through buds, but I
[03:30] can tell you the kind of people who
[03:32] don't become seals. [music]
[03:34] He says, "The guys that show up with
[03:36] huge bulging muscles covered [music] in
[03:38] tattoos, who want to prove to the world
[03:40] how tough they are, none of them make it
[03:43] through." He said, "The pining [music]
[03:46] leaders who like to delegate all their
[03:47] responsibility and never do anything
[03:50] themselves, none of them make it
[03:52] through." He said the star college
[03:54] athletes who've never really been tested
[03:57] to the core of their being, none of them
[04:00] make it through. He says some of the
[04:03] guys that make it through are skinny and
[04:05] scrawny. He said some of the guys that
[04:08] make it through, you will see them
[04:09] shivering out of fear.
[04:13] He says, "However, [music]
[04:15] all the guys that make it through, when
[04:18] they find themselves physically spent,
[04:22] emotionally spent, when they have
[04:24] nothing left to give, physically or
[04:26] emotionally, somehow someway, they are
[04:29] able to find the energy to dig down deep
[04:33] inside themselves
[04:35] to find the energy to help the guy next
[04:37] to them. They become seals." He said,
[04:42] "You want to be an elite warrior, it's
[04:44] not about how tough you are. It's not
[04:46] about how smart you are. It's not about
[04:48] how fast you are. If you want to be an
[04:50] elite warrior, you better get really,
[04:53] really good at helping the person to the
[04:55] left of you and helping the person to
[04:56] the right of you. Cuz that's how people
[04:59] advance [music] in the world. The world
[05:01] is too dangerous and the world is too
[05:03] difficult for you to think that you can
[05:04] do these things alone. If you find your
[05:07] spark, I commend you. Now, who are you
[05:09] going to ask for help? And when are you
[05:10] going to accept help when it's offered?
[05:13] Learn that skill.
[05:15] Learn by practicing helping each other.
[05:18] It'll be the single most valuable thing
[05:20] you ever learn in your entire [music]
[05:22] life. To accept help when it's offered
[05:24] and to ask for it when you know that you
[05:26] can't do it. The amazing thing is when
[05:29] you learn to ask for help, you'll
[05:30] discover that there are people all
[05:32] around you who've always wanted to help
[05:34] you. They just didn't think you needed
[05:35] it because you kept pretending that you
[05:37] had everything under control.
[05:38] [music]
[05:38] And the minute you say, "I don't know
[05:40] what I'm doing. I'm stuck. I'm scared. I
[05:44] don't think I can do this." You will
[05:46] find that lots of people who love you
[05:48] will rush in and take care of you. But
[05:52] that'll only happen if you learn to take
[05:53] care of them first. Lesson three. Nelson
[05:56] Mandela is a particularly special case
[06:00] study in the leadership world because he
[06:03] is universally regarded as a great
[06:05] leader. You can take other personalities
[06:08] and depending on the nation you go to,
[06:10] we have different opinions about other
[06:11] personalities. But Nelson Mandela across
[06:14] the world is universally regarded as a
[06:16] great leader. He was actually the son of
[06:19] a tribal chief. And he was asked one
[06:22] day,
[06:24] "How did you learn to be a great
[06:25] leader?" And he responded that he would
[06:28] go with his father to tribal meetings.
[06:32] And he remembers two things when his
[06:34] father would meet with other elders.
[06:36] One, they would always sit in a [music]
[06:40] circle. And two, his father was always
[06:44] the last [music] to speak. You will be
[06:47] told your whole life that you need to
[06:49] learn to listen. I would say that you
[06:51] need to learn to be the last to speak. I
[06:54] see it in boardrooms every day of the
[06:56] week. Even people who consider
[06:58] themselves good leaders, who may
[06:59] actually be decent leaders, will walk
[07:01] into a room and say, "Here's the
[07:02] problem. Here's what I think, but I'm
[07:04] interested in your opinion. Let's go
[07:05] around the room." It's too late. The
[07:08] skill to hold your opinions to yourself
[07:10] until everyone has spoken. Does two
[07:12] things. One, it gives everybody else the
[07:15] feeling that they have been heard. It
[07:18] gives everyone else the ability to feel
[07:21] that they have contributed. And two, you
[07:24] get the benefit of hearing what
[07:25] everybody else has to think before you
[07:27] render your opinion. The skill is really
[07:30] to keep your opinions [music] to
[07:31] yourself. If you agree with somebody,
[07:33] don't nod yes. If you disagree with
[07:36] somebody, don't nod no. Simply sit
[07:39] there, take it all in, and the only
[07:41] thing you're allowed to do is ask
[07:43] questions so that you can understand
[07:45] what they mean and why they have the
[07:47] opinion that they have. [music] You must
[07:49] understand from where they are speaking,
[07:52] why they have the opinion they have, not
[07:55] just what they are saying. And at the
[07:58] end, you will get your turn.
[08:01] It sounds easy. It's not. Practice being
[08:05] the last to speak. That's what Nelson
[08:08] Mandela did. Lesson four. In the 18th
[08:12] century,
[08:14] there was something that spread across
[08:17] Europe and eventually made its way to
[08:19] America called purple fever,
[08:21] also known as the black death of
[08:24] childbed.
[08:25] Basically, what was happening is women
[08:28] were giving birth and they would die
[08:31] within 48 hours after giving birth. This
[08:35] black death of childbirth was the ravage
[08:38] of Europe and it got worse and worse and
[08:41] worse over the course of over a century.
[08:44] In [snorts] some hospitals, it was as
[08:47] high as 70% of women who gave birth who
[08:50] would die as a result of giving birth.
[08:53] But this was the Renaissance. This was
[08:56] the time of empirical data and science.
[08:59] And we had thrown away things like
[09:01] tradition and mysticism. These were men
[09:03] of science. These were doctors and these
[09:06] doctors and men of science wanted to
[09:08] study and try and find the reason for
[09:10] this black death of childbed. And so
[09:13] they got to work studying and they would
[09:15] study the corpses uh of the of the women
[09:19] who had died and in the morning they
[09:21] would conduct autopsies and then in the
[09:23] afternoon they would go and deliver
[09:24] babies and finish their rounds. And it
[09:27] wasn't until somewhere in the mid 1800s
[09:30] that Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes realized
[09:34] that all of these doctors who were
[09:35] conducting autopsies in the morning
[09:38] weren't washing their hands before they
[09:40] delivered babies in the afternoon.
[09:43] And he pointed it out and said, "Guys,
[09:47] you're the problem."
[09:49] And they ignored him and called him
[09:51] crazy for 30 years
[09:55] until finally somebody realized [music]
[09:57] that if they simply washed their hands,
[10:00] it would go away. And that's exactly
[10:03] [music] what happened. When they started
[10:05] sterilizing their instruments and
[10:06] washing their hands, the black death of
[10:08] childbed disappeared.
[10:11] The lesson here is sometimes you're the
[10:14] problem. And my point is is take
[10:17] accountability for your actions. You can
[10:20] take all the credit in the world for the
[10:22] things that you do right as long as you
[10:25] also take responsibility for the things
[10:27] you do wrong. It must be a balanced
[10:29] equation. You don't get it one way and
[10:32] not the other. You get to take credit
[10:34] when you also [music] take
[10:36] accountability. True story.
[10:38] There was a former under secretary of
[10:41] defense who was invited to give a speech
[10:43] at a large conference [music] about a
[10:44] thousand people and he was standing on
[10:47] the stage with his cup of coffee and a
[10:50] styrofoam cup and he took a sip of his
[10:53] coffee and he smiled and he looked down
[10:54] at the coffee and then he went off
[10:57] script and he said, "You know, last year
[11:00] I spoke at this exact same conference.
[11:03] Last year I was still the under
[11:04] secretary and when I spoke here last
[11:08] year they flew me here business class
[11:10] and when I arrived at the airport there
[11:12] was somebody waiting for me to take me
[11:14] to my hotel and they took me to my hotel
[11:16] and they had already checked me in and
[11:18] they just took me up to my room and the
[11:20] next morning I came downstairs and there
[11:22] was someone waiting in the lobby to
[11:24] greet me and they drove me to this here
[11:26] same venue and handed me a coffee cup of
[11:29] coffee in a beautiful ceramic up. He
[11:33] says, "I'm no longer the under
[11:34] secretary. I flew here, coach. I took a
[11:38] taxi to my hotel and I checked myself
[11:39] in. When I came down the lobby this
[11:42] morning, I took another taxi to this
[11:44] venue. I came in the front door and
[11:47] found my way backstage. And when I asked
[11:50] someone, "Do you have any coffee?" He
[11:52] pointed to the coffee machine in the
[11:54] corner and I poured myself a cup of
[11:56] coffee into this here styrofoam cup. He
[12:00] says, "The lesson is the ceramic cup was
[12:03] never meant for me. It was meant for the
[12:06] position I held. I deserve a styrofoam
[12:10] cup."
[12:11] Remember this. As you gain fame, [music]
[12:15] as you gain fortune, as you gain
[12:18] position and seniority, people will
[12:20] treat you better. They will hold doors
[12:22] open for you. They will get you a cup of
[12:24] tea and coffee without you even asking.
[12:26] They will call you sir and ma'am and
[12:28] they will give you [music] stuff. None
[12:30] of that stuff is meant for you. That
[12:33] stuff is [music] meant for the position
[12:34] you hold. It is meant for the level that
[12:37] you have achieved of leader or success
[12:40] or whatever you want to call it. But you
[12:43] will always [music] deserve a styrofoam
[12:46] cup.
[12:48] Remember that. Remember that lesson of
[12:51] humility and gratitude. You can accept
[12:53] all the free stuff. You can accept all
[12:55] the perks. Absolutely. You can enjoy
[12:58] them, but just be grateful for them and
[13:00] know that they're not for you. We're
[13:02] asking our youngest generation to work
[13:05] and succeed and find themselves and
[13:07] build their confidence and overcome
[13:09] their addiction to technology and build
[13:12] strong relationships at work. We're
[13:13] asking to do this and these are the
[13:15] environments we've created. We keep
[13:17] saying to them, you're the future
[13:19] leaders. We're the leaders now. We're in
[13:22] control.
[13:24] what are we doing?
[13:26] This is what empathy means. It means if
[13:29] there's an entire generation struggling,
[13:32] maybe it's not them. It's like, you
[13:34] know, the only thing that I that um the
[13:37] common factor in all my failed
[13:38] relationships, me. Same thing. Well, we
[13:42] just can't get the right, you know, the
[13:44] right performance out of our people.
[13:45] Maybe it's you,
[13:47] right? It's not a generation. It's not
[13:50] them. They're not difficult or hard to
[13:52] understand. They're human beings like
[13:54] the rest of us trying to find their way,
[13:57] trying to work in a place where they
[13:59] feel that someone cares about them as a
[14:02] human being. By the way, that's what we
[14:04] all want. In other words, it's not even
[14:07] generational.
[14:09] It's all of us. This is the practice of
[14:12] empathy that if we're struggling to
[14:14] communicate to someone, if we're
[14:15] struggling to help someone be at their
[14:17] natural best, I'm tired of people saying
[14:20] to me, "How do I get the best out of my
[14:21] people? Really, that's what you want?
[14:22] They're like a towel. You just ring
[14:23] them. How can I get the most out of
[14:25] them?"
[14:27] No. How do I help my people be at their
[14:29] natural best?
[14:31] Right? We're not asking these questions.
[14:32] We are not practicing empathy. We have
[14:34] to start by practicing empathy and
[14:36] relate to what they may be going
[14:38] through. And it will profoundly change
[14:39] the decisions we make. It will
[14:41] profoundly change the way we see the
[14:44] world. We're growing up in a Facebook
[14:46] Instagram world. In other words, we're
[14:48] good at putting filters on things. We're
[14:49] good at showing people that life is
[14:51] amazing even though I'm depressed,
[14:54] right? And so, everybody sounds tough
[14:56] and everybody sounds like they got it
[14:58] all figured out. And the reality is
[14:59] there's very little toughness and most
[15:01] people don't have it figured out. And
[15:02] so, when the more senior people say,
[15:04] "Well, what should we do?" They sound
[15:05] like, "This is what you got to do." and
[15:07] they have no clue. So, you have an
[15:09] entire generation growing up with lower
[15:10] self-esteem than previous generations,
[15:11] [music]
[15:12] right? We know that engagement with
[15:15] social media and our cell phones
[15:18] releases a chemical called dopamine.
[15:20] That's why when you get a text feels
[15:22] good, right? It's why we count the
[15:24] likes. It's why we [music] go back 10
[15:26] times to see if and if it's going if our
[15:29] my Instagram is growing slower, I would
[15:30] I did I do something wrong? Do they not
[15:32] like me anymore? Right? the the trauma
[15:34] for young kids to be unfriended, right?
[15:37] Dopamine is the exact same chemical that
[15:39] makes us feel good when [music] we
[15:40] smoke, when we drink, and when we
[15:43] gamble. In other words, it's highly,
[15:45] highly addictive. That's basically what
[15:48] happened. You have an entire generation
[15:49] that has [music] access to an addictive
[15:51] numbing
[15:53] chemical called dopamine through social
[15:54] [music] media and cell phones as they're
[15:55] going through the high stress of
[15:57] adolescence. Why is this important?
[15:58] What's happening is because we're
[16:00] allowing unfettered access to these
[16:02] dopamine producing devices [music]
[16:04] and media basically it's becoming
[16:06] hardwired and what we're seeing is as
[16:07] they grow older they too many [music]
[16:09] kids don't know how to form deep
[16:11] meaningful relationships their words not
[16:14] mine they will admit [music] that many
[16:16] of their friendships are superficial
[16:17] they will admit that their friends that
[16:19] they don't count on their friends they
[16:21] don't rely on [music] their friends they
[16:22] have fun with their friends but they
[16:24] also know that their friends will cancel
[16:25] on them as something better comes along
[16:27] deep meaningful relationships are not
[16:28] there because they never practice the
[16:30] skill set and worse they don't have the
[16:32] coping mechanisms to deal [music] with
[16:33] stress. So when significant stress
[16:35] starts to show up in their lives,
[16:37] they're not turning to a person. They're
[16:39] turning to a device. They're turning to
[16:41] social media. They're turning to [music]
[16:42] these things which offer temporary
[16:44] relief. I believe loving your work is a
[16:46] right and not a privilege. [music] I
[16:47] despise the fact, I lament the fact, I
[16:50] curse the fact that so few people
[16:52] [music] get to say, "I love my job." as
[16:54] if they've won some lottery. You know,
[16:56] you go out with your friends and
[16:57] somebody says, "I love my job." And
[16:58] everybody goes, "Oh my god, you're so
[16:59] lucky." Right? That to me is madness.
[17:01] Everybody, the vast majority should get
[17:04] to wake up and say, [music] "I love my
[17:06] job." It is a right. It is a God-given
[17:08] right that we should love where we work.
[17:10] And we should demand it. We should
[17:11] demand that our leaders provide an
[17:14] environment in which we want to come,
[17:15] where we want to care about about each
[17:17] other, where we feel [music] safe to
[17:18] express our vulnerabilities and our
[17:20] fears and our concerns. That we're open
[17:22] to correction and discipline and [music]
[17:24] feedback. that we're not defensive
[17:26] because we know that it's being given to
[17:28] help us improve and grow. And we want to
[17:29] improve and grow. Um, and in turn, we
[17:32] will help others improve and grow
[17:33] because when we feel [music] safe, when
[17:36] we feel
[17:38] that our leaders care more about us than
[17:41] a number, they care more about our lives
[17:45] and our confidence and our joy and our
[17:50] skill set more than some short-term
[17:52] gain. [music] that they care more about
[17:54] our priorities than the priorities of
[17:56] some disinterested external
[17:57] constituency.
[17:59] Then we will respond in kind and we will
[18:00] offer our blood and our sweat and our
[18:02] tears and we will make sacrifices of all
[18:04] kinds to see that our leader vision is
[18:07] advanced and that this company continues
[18:09] to [music] thrive not for them for
[18:11] ourselves. It becomes deeply personal
[18:13] and becomes something we love
[18:14] contributing to. I talk about it all the
[18:17] time. Working hard for something we
[18:19] don't care about is called [music]
[18:20] stress. Working hard for something we
[18:23] love is called passion.