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There's two ways to see the world. Some

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people see the thing that they want and

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some people see the thing that prevents

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them from getting the thing that they

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want.

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There's there's [music] a great story of

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two two lumberjacks where every morning

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they start chopping wood at the same

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time and every day they stop chopping

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wood at the same time [music] and every

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day one of the lumberjacks disappears

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for about an hour in the middle of the

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day and every day he chops more wood

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than the other guy. [music] And this

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goes on for months. And eventually the

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one who works all day, he says, "I don't

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understand. Every day we start at the

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same time. Every day we stop at the same

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time. Every day you disappear for about

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an hour in the middle of the day. And

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every day you chop more wood than me.

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Where do you go for that hour?" And the

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other lumberjack looks up and goes, "Oh,

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go home and sharpen my axe." You know

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that that if you if you if you take an

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infinite mindset, it's not about how

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much you can get done each day. It's how

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much you can get done over the course of

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a career or over the course of a

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lifetime. And [music] and you you got to

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take vacations, which means you turn off

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your email and you turn off your phone

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and you do not connect to the office.

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[music] You know, go sharpen your axe. I

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have five little rules that you can

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follow as you find your spark and bring

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your spark [music] to life. The first is

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to go after the things that you want.

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Let me tell you a story. So, a friend of

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mine and I, we went for a run in Central

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Park. The Roadrunners organization, uh,

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on the weekends, they host [music]

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races, and it's very common at the end

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of the race, they'll have a sponsor who

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will give away something, apples or

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bagels or something. And on this

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particular day, when we got to the end

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of the run, there were some free [music]

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bagels. And they had picnic tables set

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up and on one side was a group of

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volunteers. On the table were boxes of

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bagels and on the other side was a long

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line of runners waiting to get their

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free bagel. So I said to my friend,

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"Let's let's get a bagel." And he looked

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at me and said, "Uh, the line's too

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long." And I said, "Free bagel?" And he

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said, "I don't want to wait in line."

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And I was like, "Free bagel?"

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And he says, "Nah, let's it's too long."

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And that's when I realized that there's

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two ways to see the world. Some people

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see the thing that they want and some

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people see the thing that prevents them

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from getting the thing that they [music]

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want. I could only see the bagels. He

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could only see the line. And so I walked

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up to the line.

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I leaned in between two people, put my

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hand in the box, and pulled out two

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bagels. And no one get mad at me because

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the rule is you can go after whatever

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you want. You just cannot deny anyone

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else to go after whatever they want. So

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the point is is you don't have to wait

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in line. You don't have to do it the way

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everybody else has done it. You can do

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it your way. You can break the rules.

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You just can't get in the way of

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somebody else getting what they want.

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Rule number two, take care of each

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other.

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The United States Navy Seals are perhaps

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the most elite warriors in the [music]

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world. And one of the SEALs was asked,

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"Who makes it through the selection

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process? Who is able to become a seal?"

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And his answer was, "I can't tell you

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the kind of person [music] that becomes

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a seal. I can't tell you the kind of

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person that makes it through buds, but I

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can tell you the kind of people who

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don't become seals. [music]

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He says, "The guys that show up with

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huge bulging muscles covered [music] in

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tattoos, who want to prove to the world

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how tough they are, none of them make it

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through." He said, "The pining [music]

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leaders who like to delegate all their

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responsibility and never do anything

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themselves, none of them make it

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through." He said the star college

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athletes who've never really been tested

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to the core of their being, none of them

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make it through. He says some of the

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guys that make it through are skinny and

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scrawny. He said some of the guys that

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make it through, you will see them

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shivering out of fear.

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He says, "However, [music]

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all the guys that make it through, when

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they find themselves physically spent,

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emotionally spent, when they have

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nothing left to give, physically or

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emotionally, somehow someway, they are

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able to find the energy to dig down deep

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inside themselves

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to find the energy to help the guy next

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to them. They become seals." He said,

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"You want to be an elite warrior, it's

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not about how tough you are. It's not

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about how smart you are. It's not about

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how fast you are. If you want to be an

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elite warrior, you better get really,

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really good at helping the person to the

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left of you and helping the person to

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the right of you. Cuz that's how people

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advance [music] in the world. The world

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is too dangerous and the world is too

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difficult for you to think that you can

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do these things alone. If you find your

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spark, I commend you. Now, who are you

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going to ask for help? And when are you

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going to accept help when it's offered?

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Learn that skill.

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Learn by practicing helping each other.

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It'll be the single most valuable thing

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you ever learn in your entire [music]

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life. To accept help when it's offered

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and to ask for it when you know that you

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can't do it. The amazing thing is when

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you learn to ask for help, you'll

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discover that there are people all

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around you who've always wanted to help

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you. They just didn't think you needed

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it because you kept pretending that you

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had everything under control.

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[music]

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And the minute you say, "I don't know

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what I'm doing. I'm stuck. I'm scared. I

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don't think I can do this." You will

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find that lots of people who love you

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will rush in and take care of you. But

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that'll only happen if you learn to take

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care of them first. Lesson three. Nelson

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Mandela is a particularly special case

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study in the leadership world because he

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is universally regarded as a great

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leader. You can take other personalities

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and depending on the nation you go to,

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we have different opinions about other

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personalities. But Nelson Mandela across

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the world is universally regarded as a

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great leader. He was actually the son of

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a tribal chief. And he was asked one

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day,

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"How did you learn to be a great

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leader?" And he responded that he would

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go with his father to tribal meetings.

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And he remembers two things when his

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father would meet with other elders.

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One, they would always sit in a [music]

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circle. And two, his father was always

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the last [music] to speak. You will be

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told your whole life that you need to

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learn to listen. I would say that you

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need to learn to be the last to speak. I

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see it in boardrooms every day of the

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week. Even people who consider

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themselves good leaders, who may

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actually be decent leaders, will walk

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into a room and say, "Here's the

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problem. Here's what I think, but I'm

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interested in your opinion. Let's go

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around the room." It's too late. The

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skill to hold your opinions to yourself

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until everyone has spoken. Does two

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things. One, it gives everybody else the

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feeling that they have been heard. It

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gives everyone else the ability to feel

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that they have contributed. And two, you

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get the benefit of hearing what

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everybody else has to think before you

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render your opinion. The skill is really

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to keep your opinions [music] to

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yourself. If you agree with somebody,

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don't nod yes. If you disagree with

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somebody, don't nod no. Simply sit

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there, take it all in, and the only

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thing you're allowed to do is ask

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questions so that you can understand

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what they mean and why they have the

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opinion that they have. [music] You must

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understand from where they are speaking,

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why they have the opinion they have, not

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just what they are saying. And at the

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end, you will get your turn.

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It sounds easy. It's not. Practice being

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the last to speak. That's what Nelson

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Mandela did. Lesson four. In the 18th

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century,

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there was something that spread across

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Europe and eventually made its way to

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America called purple fever,

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also known as the black death of

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childbed.

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Basically, what was happening is women

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were giving birth and they would die

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within 48 hours after giving birth. This

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black death of childbirth was the ravage

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of Europe and it got worse and worse and

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worse over the course of over a century.

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In [snorts] some hospitals, it was as

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high as 70% of women who gave birth who

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would die as a result of giving birth.

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But this was the Renaissance. This was

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the time of empirical data and science.

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And we had thrown away things like

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tradition and mysticism. These were men

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of science. These were doctors and these

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doctors and men of science wanted to

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study and try and find the reason for

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this black death of childbed. And so

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they got to work studying and they would

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study the corpses uh of the of the women

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who had died and in the morning they

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would conduct autopsies and then in the

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afternoon they would go and deliver

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babies and finish their rounds. And it

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wasn't until somewhere in the mid 1800s

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that Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes realized

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that all of these doctors who were

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conducting autopsies in the morning

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weren't washing their hands before they

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delivered babies in the afternoon.

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And he pointed it out and said, "Guys,

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you're the problem."

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And they ignored him and called him

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crazy for 30 years

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until finally somebody realized [music]

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that if they simply washed their hands,

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it would go away. And that's exactly

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[music] what happened. When they started

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sterilizing their instruments and

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washing their hands, the black death of

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childbed disappeared.

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The lesson here is sometimes you're the

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problem. And my point is is take

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accountability for your actions. You can

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take all the credit in the world for the

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things that you do right as long as you

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also take responsibility for the things

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you do wrong. It must be a balanced

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equation. You don't get it one way and

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not the other. You get to take credit

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when you also [music] take

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accountability. True story.

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There was a former under secretary of

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defense who was invited to give a speech

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at a large conference [music] about a

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thousand people and he was standing on

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the stage with his cup of coffee and a

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styrofoam cup and he took a sip of his

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coffee and he smiled and he looked down

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at the coffee and then he went off

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script and he said, "You know, last year

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I spoke at this exact same conference.

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Last year I was still the under

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secretary and when I spoke here last

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year they flew me here business class

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and when I arrived at the airport there

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was somebody waiting for me to take me

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to my hotel and they took me to my hotel

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and they had already checked me in and

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they just took me up to my room and the

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next morning I came downstairs and there

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was someone waiting in the lobby to

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greet me and they drove me to this here

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same venue and handed me a coffee cup of

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coffee in a beautiful ceramic up. He

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says, "I'm no longer the under

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secretary. I flew here, coach. I took a

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taxi to my hotel and I checked myself

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in. When I came down the lobby this

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morning, I took another taxi to this

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venue. I came in the front door and

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found my way backstage. And when I asked

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someone, "Do you have any coffee?" He

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pointed to the coffee machine in the

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corner and I poured myself a cup of

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coffee into this here styrofoam cup. He

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says, "The lesson is the ceramic cup was

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never meant for me. It was meant for the

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position I held. I deserve a styrofoam

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cup."

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Remember this. As you gain fame, [music]

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as you gain fortune, as you gain

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position and seniority, people will

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treat you better. They will hold doors

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open for you. They will get you a cup of

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tea and coffee without you even asking.

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They will call you sir and ma'am and

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they will give you [music] stuff. None

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of that stuff is meant for you. That

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stuff is [music] meant for the position

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you hold. It is meant for the level that

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you have achieved of leader or success

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or whatever you want to call it. But you

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will always [music] deserve a styrofoam

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cup.

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Remember that. Remember that lesson of

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humility and gratitude. You can accept

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all the free stuff. You can accept all

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the perks. Absolutely. You can enjoy

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them, but just be grateful for them and

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know that they're not for you. We're

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asking our youngest generation to work

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and succeed and find themselves and

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build their confidence and overcome

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their addiction to technology and build

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strong relationships at work. We're

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asking to do this and these are the

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environments we've created. We keep

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saying to them, you're the future

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leaders. We're the leaders now. We're in

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control.

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what are we doing?

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This is what empathy means. It means if

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there's an entire generation struggling,

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maybe it's not them. It's like, you

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know, the only thing that I that um the

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common factor in all my failed

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relationships, me. Same thing. Well, we

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just can't get the right, you know, the

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right performance out of our people.

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Maybe it's you,

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right? It's not a generation. It's not

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them. They're not difficult or hard to

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understand. They're human beings like

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the rest of us trying to find their way,

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trying to work in a place where they

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feel that someone cares about them as a

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human being. By the way, that's what we

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all want. In other words, it's not even

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generational.

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It's all of us. This is the practice of

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empathy that if we're struggling to

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communicate to someone, if we're

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struggling to help someone be at their

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natural best, I'm tired of people saying

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to me, "How do I get the best out of my

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people? Really, that's what you want?

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They're like a towel. You just ring

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them. How can I get the most out of

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them?"

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No. How do I help my people be at their

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natural best?

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Right? We're not asking these questions.

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We are not practicing empathy. We have

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to start by practicing empathy and

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00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,920
relate to what they may be going

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through. And it will profoundly change

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the decisions we make. It will

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profoundly change the way we see the

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world. We're growing up in a Facebook

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Instagram world. In other words, we're

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good at putting filters on things. We're

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good at showing people that life is

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amazing even though I'm depressed,

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right? And so, everybody sounds tough

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00:14:56,799 --> 00:14:59,519
and everybody sounds like they got it

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all figured out. And the reality is

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there's very little toughness and most

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00:15:01,039 --> 00:15:04,000
people don't have it figured out. And

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so, when the more senior people say,

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"Well, what should we do?" They sound

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like, "This is what you got to do." and

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they have no clue. So, you have an

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entire generation growing up with lower

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self-esteem than previous generations,

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[music]

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right? We know that engagement with

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social media and our cell phones

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releases a chemical called dopamine.

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That's why when you get a text feels

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good, right? It's why we count the

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00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:29,040
likes. It's why we [music] go back 10

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00:15:26,399 --> 00:15:30,879
times to see if and if it's going if our

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00:15:29,039 --> 00:15:32,559
my Instagram is growing slower, I would

400
00:15:30,879 --> 00:15:34,480
I did I do something wrong? Do they not

401
00:15:32,559 --> 00:15:37,278
like me anymore? Right? the the trauma

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00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:39,759
for young kids to be unfriended, right?

403
00:15:37,278 --> 00:15:40,799
Dopamine is the exact same chemical that

404
00:15:39,759 --> 00:15:43,039
makes us feel good when [music] we

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00:15:40,799 --> 00:15:45,759
smoke, when we drink, and when we

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00:15:43,039 --> 00:15:48,078
gamble. In other words, it's highly,

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00:15:45,759 --> 00:15:49,360
highly addictive. That's basically what

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00:15:48,078 --> 00:15:51,278
happened. You have an entire generation

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00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:53,039
that has [music] access to an addictive

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00:15:51,278 --> 00:15:54,345
numbing

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00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:55,439
chemical called dopamine through social

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00:15:54,345 --> 00:15:57,120
[music] media and cell phones as they're

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going through the high stress of

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adolescence. Why is this important?

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What's happening is because we're

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00:16:00,399 --> 00:16:04,078
allowing unfettered access to these

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00:16:02,399 --> 00:16:06,078
dopamine producing devices [music]

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00:16:04,078 --> 00:16:07,439
and media basically it's becoming

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00:16:06,078 --> 00:16:09,599
hardwired and what we're seeing is as

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00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:11,839
they grow older they too many [music]

421
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:14,159
kids don't know how to form deep

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00:16:11,839 --> 00:16:16,000
meaningful relationships their words not

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00:16:14,159 --> 00:16:17,679
mine they will admit [music] that many

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00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,839
of their friendships are superficial

425
00:16:17,679 --> 00:16:21,439
they will admit that their friends that

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00:16:19,839 --> 00:16:22,399
they don't count on their friends they

427
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:24,399
don't rely on [music] their friends they

428
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:25,600
have fun with their friends but they

429
00:16:24,399 --> 00:16:27,360
also know that their friends will cancel

430
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,720
on them as something better comes along

431
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,480
deep meaningful relationships are not

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00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:32,560
there because they never practice the

433
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,839
skill set and worse they don't have the

434
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:35,838
coping mechanisms to deal [music] with

435
00:16:33,839 --> 00:16:37,279
stress. So when significant stress

436
00:16:35,839 --> 00:16:39,199
starts to show up in their lives,

437
00:16:37,278 --> 00:16:41,198
they're not turning to a person. They're

438
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:42,879
turning to a device. They're turning to

439
00:16:41,198 --> 00:16:44,319
social media. They're turning to [music]

440
00:16:42,879 --> 00:16:46,399
these things which offer temporary

441
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:47,839
relief. I believe loving your work is a

442
00:16:46,399 --> 00:16:50,639
right and not a privilege. [music] I

443
00:16:47,839 --> 00:16:52,641
despise the fact, I lament the fact, I

444
00:16:50,639 --> 00:16:54,639
curse the fact that so few people

445
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:56,159
[music] get to say, "I love my job." as

446
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:57,039
if they've won some lottery. You know,

447
00:16:56,159 --> 00:16:58,078
you go out with your friends and

448
00:16:57,039 --> 00:16:59,120
somebody says, "I love my job." And

449
00:16:58,078 --> 00:17:01,679
everybody goes, "Oh my god, you're so

450
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:04,318
lucky." Right? That to me is madness.

451
00:17:01,679 --> 00:17:06,000
Everybody, the vast majority should get

452
00:17:04,318 --> 00:17:08,318
to wake up and say, [music] "I love my

453
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:10,640
job." It is a right. It is a God-given

454
00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:11,918
right that we should love where we work.

455
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:14,240
And we should demand it. We should

456
00:17:11,919 --> 00:17:15,759
demand that our leaders provide an

457
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:17,359
environment in which we want to come,

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00:17:15,759 --> 00:17:18,959
where we want to care about about each

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00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:20,479
other, where we feel [music] safe to

460
00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:22,558
express our vulnerabilities and our

461
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:24,160
fears and our concerns. That we're open

462
00:17:22,558 --> 00:17:26,558
to correction and discipline and [music]

463
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:28,079
feedback. that we're not defensive

464
00:17:26,558 --> 00:17:29,839
because we know that it's being given to

465
00:17:28,078 --> 00:17:32,399
help us improve and grow. And we want to

466
00:17:29,839 --> 00:17:33,839
improve and grow. Um, and in turn, we

467
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:36,000
will help others improve and grow

468
00:17:33,839 --> 00:17:38,079
because when we feel [music] safe, when

469
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:41,839
we feel

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00:17:38,079 --> 00:17:45,918
that our leaders care more about us than

471
00:17:41,839 --> 00:17:50,159
a number, they care more about our lives

472
00:17:45,919 --> 00:17:52,880
and our confidence and our joy and our

473
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:54,160
skill set more than some short-term

474
00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:56,000
gain. [music] that they care more about

475
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,440
our priorities than the priorities of

476
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,119
some disinterested external

477
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,880
constituency.

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00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,479
Then we will respond in kind and we will

479
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,559
offer our blood and our sweat and our

480
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:07,279
tears and we will make sacrifices of all

481
00:18:04,558 --> 00:18:09,038
kinds to see that our leader vision is

482
00:18:07,279 --> 00:18:11,038
advanced and that this company continues

483
00:18:09,038 --> 00:18:13,359
to [music] thrive not for them for

484
00:18:11,038 --> 00:18:14,879
ourselves. It becomes deeply personal

485
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:17,038
and becomes something we love

486
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:19,039
contributing to. I talk about it all the

487
00:18:17,038 --> 00:18:20,720
time. Working hard for something we

488
00:18:19,038 --> 00:18:23,038
don't care about is called [music]

489
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:27,079
stress. Working hard for something we

490
00:18:23,038 --> 00:18:27,079
love is called passion.