[00:00] of course I'm not the only one who
[00:02] benefited from last week's big payoff
[00:03] our state schools got their share too
[00:05] here lottery officials present
[00:07] Springfield Elementary with a brand new
[00:09] eraser one eraser oh I'm used to my
[00:13] government betraying me I was in Nam aye
[00:15] sir for 3 other principals try to unload
[00:17] problem cases that way lord knows I do
[00:20] I'm a good student Principal Skinner
[00:23] yes sir and they told me I'd get a big
[00:24] parade when I got back from Nam instead
[00:26] they spat on me I can still feel it's
[00:29] searing so let's just see what the
[00:32] permanent record house design Charlie
[00:33] hmm no detention fairly good attendance
[00:36] record now I see you beat that
[00:38] bedwetting problem in the second grade
[00:41] don't worry they'll forget just like
[00:44] they forgot about me and a tiger cage
[00:47] for 18 agonizing months every night I
[00:51] wake up screaming well let's meet your
[00:54] classmates and I haven't seen such
[01:01] unfettered early Burley since the fall
[01:04] of Saigon well William another school
[01:07] year going by listen to your mother
[01:09] ELISA
[01:09] I owe everything I have to my mother's
[01:12] watchful eye and Swift and oh there's
[01:18] mother now
[01:19] watching me with that mother well they
[01:24] have a right to be here
[01:24] it's school business I mother that
[01:28] sailor suit doesn't fit anymore
[01:30] I think we should go
[01:32] [Music]
[01:35] Principal Skinner the happiest place on
[01:38] earth
[01:38] is a registered Disneyland copyright
[01:41] well gentlemen it's just a small school
[01:43] carnival and it's heading for a great
[01:45] big lawsuit you made a big mistake
[01:47] Skinner well so did you
[01:50] you got an ex-green beret mad copyright
[02:05] expired where is nur - for 600 100 I
[02:11] wore this for two years in a Vietcong
[02:13] internment centre never thought I'd see
[02:14] the old girl again still fits small
[02:19] where it is is really really used
[02:23] everyone misses Principal Skinner some
[02:26] student possibly Bart Simpson has been
[02:28] circulating candy hearts featuring crude
[02:30] off-color sentiments well let me tell
[02:32] you something
[02:33] valentine's Day is no joke
[02:41] [Music]
[02:44] Sunday yurchikhin Valentine huh yeah
[02:51] Donny Donny cool I broke his brain so we
[03:01] meet again Mad Magazine
[03:04] the year was 1968 we were on recon in a
[03:07] steaming Mekong Delta and overheated
[03:10] private removed his flak jacket
[03:11] revealing a t-shirt with an iron on
[03:13] sporting the mad slogan up with
[03:15] miniskirts we all had a good laugh even
[03:18] though I didn't quite understand it but
[03:19] our momentary lapse of concentration
[03:20] allowed Charlie to get the drop on us I
[03:23] spent the next three years in a POWs
[03:26] camp forced to subsist on a thin stoom
[03:28] and of fish vegetables prawns coconut
[03:31] milk in four kinds of rice it came close
[03:35] to madness trying to find it here in the
[03:36] States but they just can't get the
[03:38] spices race my punishment oh that's my
[03:44] old unit for Vietnam I was there
[03:46] sergeant
[03:46] they were my loyal troops that photo was
[03:49] taken shortly before I was shot in the
[03:50] back which was very strange because it
[03:52] was during a Bob Hope show I was trying
[03:54] to get Joey Heatherton to put on some
[03:56] pants for God's sake I've been hoping I
[03:58] could find something that would be named
[03:59] after me and you've never found anything
[04:02] once but by the time I got to a phone my
[04:05] discovery had already been reported by
[04:07] Principal Kohoutek I got back at him
[04:11] though even that little boy it is anyway
[04:17] back in man like a demand respect
[04:22] Sarge let's make a break for it while
[04:24] the guards your party with Jane Fonda
[04:25] nope too dangerous we're all gonna sit
[04:28] tight and reminisce about candy bars oh
[04:30] well one time I'm eating a candy bar at
[04:33] the beach and a girl starts taking off
[04:35] her bathing suit get back to the candy
[04:36] bar the hell with this I'm getting out
[04:38] of here no you fool
[04:46] that elephant ate my entire platoon this
[04:50] is the worst thing I've ever done even
[04:52] worse than what I did in Nam
[04:56] [Music]
[05:00] you're gonna get your parade down my
[05:03] esophagus